All Things Being Equal

by: Sheila VR

Character(s): Ensemble
Category(s): Angst
Rating: TEEN
Summary: Take four Bartlets, six staffers, one nuclear submarine - and shake hard.
Written: Jul, 03
Author's Note: Set Apr. 2003, between EOTNS and LOM

WHERE?

Impact -

COLD! PAIN! Like knives - can't breathe -

Tumbling - pain - cold - water - need air - can't BREATHE!

Need to BREATHE!

Drifting... cold... pain... need to breathe...

Dark, so dark... so... tired...

Rest now... easy... it's easier just to rest...

No! Fight!

You're tired... rest, just for awhile... the cold will pass... the pain will end...

Don't listen! Keep fighting!

Relax... everything's fine...

Everything is NOT fine! FIGHT!

No need to worry... take it easy... see, the pain is fading...

No - got to fight - got to LIVE!

It's okay to be tired... the pain is going away... soon it'll be gone... a bit longer, that's all...

Don't believe! Don't stop fighting!

Getting better all the time... just drift... go with the flow...

NEED to fight! SUPPOSED to fight!

Just a little while longer and everything will be fine...

Got to keep fighting...

It's been a long fight. You deserve a break.

Don't give up... so tired... don't give up!

Tired is natural. It means it's time for a rest.

Fight...

But there's no need to fight. The fight's over now.

Don't give up...

You're not giving up if the fight is over. You're entitled to rest.

Don't...

Rest is good. Rest will make the pain and the cold go away.

Pain... cold...

Conflict is bad. Peace is good. Be at peace...

Yes... that is what I want... peace...

Rest... sleep... even the cold is easing...

Tired of the cold... tired of the pain... just... tired...

It's calm here. Dark. Still. Quiet. Soothing. Just like nighttime. Just like sleeping...

Yes...

"Fight, sir!"

Pay no attention. That noise will go away. No need to fight it...

Tired... why fight any longer...

The quiet and the dark and the stillness are friends. Comforting...

Friends...

That's it... just let everything go... nothing else matters now...

Nothing... matters...

"Keep fighting, Dad!"

Wait...

Don't wait. Don't think. Just rest...

But...

Not important. All that's important now is rest. Peace...

No... daughter... others...

Never mind the others. Just rest. Rest first - the others can come later...

"Damnit, Jed, FIGHT!"

...Abbey?

It's still okay. She's not far... She'll be fine there...

No... she's calling me...

She's not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere. You're tired. You need to rest...

No. She wants me to fight.

You don't have to fight. You're safe. Safe right here...

NO! If I don't fight... if I give up... I lose her!

You're not going to lose anyone...

I'll lose MYSELF!

Don't fight. There's only cold and pain waiting for you...

And Abbey! And Ellie... and friends...

Cold... pain... exhaustion... suffering... you don't want those anymore...

Don't care! If my family and friends are here, then I'm staying!

It's not worth it...

Oh, yes, it IS!

Don't make the effort...

Go AWAY!

You're just going to suffer...

I want to be with them! Come hell or high water, I choose LIFE!

Well done, my son.

Huh? Who...?

You have endured.

Holy... literally...

Now receive your reward.

What...? I don't understand...

Then again... maybe I don't need to...

It's so cold... it hurts... but still -

To be with family... friends... that's the reward I'd choose...

A bit warmer now... am I imagining it?

A bit brighter now... I can't be imagining that...

Yes, that is light... A bright light...

Where am I? Where am I going?

Brighter... I must be getting closer...

Warmer... what a relief...

But am I going to THEM?

Shadows... against the light...

... Angels?

"Welcome back, Dad."

Dad. An anchor.

Ellie.

At last the mist parted, the illusions dissipated, the last seductive whisper of surrender faded completely. Sensations began to orient themselves and make sense: warmth, softness, pain that had receded to manageable levels...

And Eleanor's beaming smile.

"You... the light I saw..." It came out only as a whisper, from a throat long abused, but he managed to be heard.

"I knew you were in there someplace!" Ellie wrung his hand in pure joy. Probably the only reason she didn't wrap him in a bear hug was because of his battered condition.

"Yeah, you thought you could hide on us." Abbey moved into his field of view from the other side. Her smile was less broad, but no less sincere. She bent forward and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead. It was a spouse's greeting, a benediction, and a reassurance for herself... to feel the growing warmth in flesh that had been far too cold for far too long, to feel a presence she'd almost convinced herself - in her darkest moments - was gone forever.

He tried to grin back. "And this... the angel..."

Now his wife's smile did widen, as one major concern evaporated. "Okay, that eliminates any likelihood of brain damage. So, how do you feel?"

He didn't have to think about it. "Tired..."

"I can imagine. Amazingly, you've survived what would have killed anyone else. No wonder you're wiped." She gripped his other hand in hers. "I've never been so grateful for that stubborn streak of yours as I am today."

"Finally... reason to cultivate it..." He didn't have the strength to turn his head, but his eyes moved past and about. This had to be a hospital room of some sort, without any decoration whatsoever. He obviously lay in a narrow medical-type bed; one didn't need vision to tell that. He could see the sleeves of a featureless green smock on the arm of the hand Ellie held. He could hear the faint beep of life-sustaining equipment, all too familiar after his stay in GW three years ago.

A third identity approached: a man in a dark brown uniform, a man he knew... if he could just remember the name...

"Welcome back indeed, Mr. President. You gave us quite a battle."

Gave them a battle? He'd been fighting someone else... fighting to get to them...

"You're stabilizing nicely, though. We'll be all set to go in just a few more minutes."

Go where?

Abbey must have seen the rising confusion on her husband's face. "Colonel, could you give us a little while?"

A pause fell, and lengthened. The military doctor and the former doctor seemed to be conferring telepathically over the well-being of their very important patient, and over the laws that had to be observed even at a time like this.

Then, "Yes, ma'am." A moment later, a door quietly closed.

"One less distraction," Ellie announced first, with evident pleasure. "Besides, the guys outside must be dying for an update."

Her father was struggling to follow along, buffeted by questions about privacy and going places and other nameless people. He tackled the most overriding point first. "Where...?"

Abbey leaned closer. "Just rest, honey. Don't spend your energy. You're safe and warm, and you're going to be fine."

That kind of evasion would never work when Jed Bartlet was at his best. Perhaps his wife thought she might get away with it this time, when he was so worn out. However, those phrases sounded disturbingly like similar advice that he had received in recent moments... and not welcomed. Advice that had very nearly killed him.

"Where?"

Ellie got the idea that they couldn't hide anything, or put it off any longer. "Sickbay on the escorting cruiser," she said, with just a touch of reluctance.

Both women had anticipated his reaction. Sure enough, this indirect reference to recent events was all it took. His vision sharpened as the memories began to resurface.

"Cruiser?"

"Yes, we whipped you in here first to get your trauma under control. Your core temperature was critically low, but it's almost back to normal now." Abbey guarded her own feelings very closely on that matter. "Colonel Morino and the ship's CMO have both been in attendance. We'll be off to New York soon for a proper looking-at -"

This attempt at diversion didn't work either. Jed's thought processes functioned more slowly than usual, but they kept going methodically and tenaciously. "Submarine..."

"It was a tight squeak," Abbey admitted, still trying to steer the topic away from taxing areas. "But since you're here now, it's pretty self-evident that the SEALs got you out, right?"

As usual, this man didn't have his own physical concerns in mind. "Nuclear -"

"There was no explosion, no contamination. The 'Callanan' has been safely sunk, deep enough to prevent any fallout." She increased the soothing insistence in her tone, even as she gently laid her palm on his chest. This tactile contact was vital to both of them; the fact that she could feel his heart beating strongly again didn't hurt either. "Everything's fine."

He hadn't believed that before, when some unidentified entity - either external or internal - tried to convince him to give up and die, and he still couldn't bring himself to believe it just yet. Irrefutable evidence had not been presented. "Everyone... else?"

"Ah - proof at last that your brain has thawed completely."

Even Ellie smiled at that. Her parents were so in tune.

"Abbey -" Repeated delays and dodges only made things worse. He was getting worked up, his breath rate accelerating.

"Take it easy; they're right outside. So is Fitzwallace. All well, and all very glad to know that you're about as indestructible as they come. Either that, or else you've used up eight of your nine lives in one go." Abbey threw that last line in very deliberately. Her husband could always be counted on to make light of dark scenarios.

Jed refused this time, whether because of the still-lingering cold or the not-quite-vanquished pain or because he just couldn't think of anything else. "Ron?"

Abbey shook her head wryly. This man was so unpredictable. And when it came to news - especially news about his family and colleagues - insatiable.

He misinterpreted. His breath hitched and his eyes went wide -

"He's fine," she said hurriedly, guiltily at causing even the first nibble of fear and grief. "He's resting right next door." She reached out and laid the backs of her fingers across her husband's cheek, as though calming a frightened child. "He's the only one who came anywhere near as close to dying as you did, but he'll pull through as well."

Jed's whole body sagged in a relief too great for words. His eyes sank closed and his breathing leveled out.

"That's it; just rest." Abbey brushed his tousled, still slightly damp hair.

Ellie took her turn helping to calm him. "We've been on the phone with Zoey and Liz. Both send their love. Zoey's going to meet us in New York."

Abbey nodded. "So will Ron's wife."

Jed fought to swallow, to find some extra energy for his exhausted voice. "Want to meet her..."

"Me, too. I've already spoken to her. Won't be long."

"More travel?" From the sound of it, the idea made his bones ache all the more.

"Just a short hop, I promise. You need more care than even the finest shipboard hospital can provide - and Ron's not entirely off the sick list either."

"Guy must be a celebrity by now... he'll love that..." In fact, public acclaim would be just about the worst thing for any bodyguard.

"I don't want to be the one to tell him."

"Fine... give me the dangerous job..."

Pause. These three family members were content to be quiet, to be with each other, during the few minutes of peace remaining for them.

On the verge of sinking fully into this oasis of love and comfort, Jed still wrestled against his powerful desire for sleep. If he slept, he really wouldn't be with them. He wanted to stay - for several reasons. "What... happened?"

No one could deny either his world-class mind or his dutiful heart. Some things just have to be addressed.

"It can wait." Then Abbey caught the impatient flash in her husband's eye, and she sighed in defeat. "Fine. A brief story."

"Better than... not knowing at all..." he pointed out hoarsely.

"I suppose. Well, the rescue came off pretty much the way they'd planned, but they could not possibly have cut it closer. The SEALs broke into the missile compartment, got air to you and to Ron in record time, and then loaded you up for transport. The water's support made it easier for them. The water's temperature - well, that's another matter." Abbey hesitated, remembering. "Anyway, they carried you through the sub and all the way to the tower, and were just hauling you up, when the power started to spike again."

Jed couldn't prevent a shudder - of fear. Ellie tightened her hold on his hand, reminding him that all had turned out well.

"Which meant that Fitzwallace had to sink that sub on the spot. And none of us knew if you were out yet or not." Abbey's voice faltered at that memory.

This time Jed gripped her hand, offering reassurance in turn.

"Fitz feels pretty bad about trying so hard to kill you."

What had it been like, having to contemplate a rescue that might actually kill the person you're desperately trying to save? To know that after all your best efforts, in the end tragedy came about by your actions after all?

"No one else could've done it. Good man... did his duty..."

Abbey pursed her lips. "I sure hope no one has to even consider that duty, ever again."

Her husband was too spent to do more than blink in agreement.

Exhaling, evicting the miasma of terror, she went on. "From what we've been told, those guys on the rescue team were amazing. Fortunately, all of you were in the actual tower at the time, and pretty close to the top at that - otherwise there would have been no hope. They activated the floats on the rescue basket at just the right moment, and the sub literally sank from underneath you. In fact, that basket's buoyancy saved more than just you, Babe; they all held onto it when the mines blew and the water rushed in."

Imagine: the concussion waves so near; then the steel walls of the Fairwater falling away, the only protection they had despite its danger, to be replaced by the unrelenting ocean...

Abbey had had a little time to internalize the concept and face it at least somewhat clinically. "Once things smoothed out, they hooked you up to the helicopter's cable and airlifted you over here. The other chopper brought Ron in a few moments later. He helped all through the evacuation, and managed not to pass out until after the scuttling. I don't know where he gets his stamina."

"How is he?" Jed persisted in being sure of his fellow rescuee's well-being. This went far beyond the concern of an employer for a subordinate.

"Half-frozen, but still better off than you." Abbey smiled almost possessively.

"That's me... second to none," her husband muttered, too weary to express his usual cocky pride but not so crushed that he couldn't at least try.

"Got that right. You'll be glad to hear that your back isn't broken. After tackling a metal panel single-handedly like Ellie tells me, you came off with only severe bruising and one cracked rib." Abbey had shifted into medical mode for sure now, all thrusters firing. "And you know how there's an up side to just about everything? Lying on those cold and damp coats for so long actually reduced the internal bleeding around your spine, which in turn reduced the pressure on the nerves. It was a very narrow margin between advantage and disadvantage, but you should be back to normal before a whole lot longer."

"Knew there was a benefit... liking the cold..."

Ellie laughed out loud. Through thick and thin, her father remained himself.

Something else had happened during all this, something remarkable: she and her father had grown closer. For the first time in years, they felt comfortable around each other.

Abbey's short-lived grin included a ghost of exasperation. "That didn't keep you from very nearly drowning. Of course the rib and back pain made holding your breath a bit more problematical. Then there was the small matter of the hypothermia."

Here she paused. "You damned near slipped away from us, Jed. Another minute at the most, in the water or even right here, and we would have had the cryogenic preservation of a dead President rather than the partial suspended animation of a live one."

Humor can provide a formidable armor, but there comes a time when all barriers to the heart must fall. Abbey raised her husband's hand in both of hers, cradling it to her breast. "Oh God, Jed, you came so close." Her voice quavered. "The medics were doing everything they could, we were all yelling at you to hang in there, and for the longest time there was nothing... no response at all... you weren't even breathing... we were so afraid..."

Ellie had to fight her tears again.

"Miraculously, you held on. Hypothermia is one of the hardest conditions to fight, but you did it. You were strong enough - you won against all odds. And we all thank the Lord that you did."

Understanding had dawned, illuminating his face. "I heard you."

Both women blinked.

This time his voice was husky from emotion, not exertion. "You called me back."

Abbey found herself wresting with tears as well.

Now a profound wonder crept into the mix. "And someone was there as well... who made sure I heard you both."

Someone who had been there with him all along.

Neither woman challenged this interpretation. They were more than willing to believe, and to offer up their own prayers of surpassing gratitude.

Normally Jed didn't hesitate to discuss his faith, but he never had enjoyed discussing his health under any circumstances. Besides, the combination of a close encounter with Death and another with Life was rather overwhelming. For several seconds he struggled to fully digest all of this, his train of thought chugging along despite the enormous urge to just abandon all effort and go back to sleep. Finally, he commended it to the future, when his brain would be more cooperative towards the rarefied heights of spiritual contemplation. God knew he had other worries that needed answers far sooner.

"The nation?"

His wife and daughter exhaled together in mild annoyance.

"I'm waiting..." He would not be dissuaded.

Abbey straightened in her seat. If she was going to give her own State of the Union address, she might as well do it justice. "Smooth sailing. The Vice President and the NSA are running D.C. just fine without you."

"Good." He meant it, too. The country came before any paranoia about control issues.

"Yes, and Josh is running the rest of the West Wing. C.J.'s been fabulous on the news. I'm sure Will and everyone else have been backing them up to the hilt."

"No question."

"The whole world should have the news of the rescue any time now."

"International fan club," Ellie teased. Her father grunted weakly.

"Local chapters, too," her mother added with a smirk. "Hoynes and Nancy McNally have already called in. Along with half the employees of the White House, or so it seems."

This time Jed looked really self-conscious. "I'll never get any work done again... they'll be fawning all over me..."

"Part of the cost of being liked, it would seem." Abbey didn't sound like she had much sympathy for that side effect.

"Mm." He needed another topic, fast. "Guess I got my sub ride after all."

She probably saw right through this diversion, but went along anyway. "Guess you did. I hope it cured that craving for a long time."

"Do they know what caused...?"

"I don't think so. The current theory seems to be some kind of computer malfunction."

Jed breathed out in resignation. "Why do I hate computers?"

The two women grinned widely at that.

"Yeah, you can't trust them." Abbey had heard that argument often enough, and by now she was ready to believe it herself. "Apparently they threw the trim tanks out of true."

Her husband arched an eyebrow her way. "You've become quite the submarine expert."

"A new hobby. Hopefully I won't get to indulge it too often."

"I'll tell the Navy not to build any more of 'em."

"I knew you had your uses. This kind of muscle comes in handy."

Such light, normal, reassuring conversation couldn't keep his vision from losing its focus. The compulsion to sleep was still drawing powerfully upon him - positively, this time. Having fulfilled his duty to his office deprived him of the strongest reason to resist.

Abbey caught the eye of her daughter, and nodded. Ellie nodded back, then gently put down her father's hand.

"I'll be right back, Dad."

The azure twinkle returned. "Gonna hold you to that..."

"Right." She rose and slipped quietly out the small room's door.

Jed couldn't watch her go from his flat-out position, so he settled for the effort of rolling his head a bit so that he could comfortably watch his wife. Being very careful not to jar him, she obtained a seat on the edge of the bed. One hand still held his; with the other she tenderly rubbed his forearm, as though to massage her own warmth into him.

"Did Ellie tell you how she got us out?"

Abbey's eyes narrowed in surprise. "No..."

He smiled as only a proud parent can. "Climbed right up on the guys' shoulders... opened the ceiling. She and Charlie both. Great work."

"I'll have to ask her for the details."

Abbey glanced up. Ellie had just guided seven other very special people into this sickbay cubicle. In respectful silence they came to visit their rescued leader.

Every single one of them was smiling. Until Morino stepped outside earlier, none had known if The Man had in fact pulled through...

With his head turned towards his wife, The Man couldn't see anyone else. She didn't let on. Her growing smile could have meant almost anything. "All I've heard so far is how you came up with the idea of opening the silo in the first place."

Jed's eyes were heavy, and embarrassed. "Aw, somebody else would've thought of it eventually..." For a man with a generous ego, who well knew his own considerable mental prowess, he still maintained a fair grasp of humility at times.

The cluster of silent witnesses looked uncomfortable that they were intruding, and awkward that they hadn't yet been noticed. Still, the delight of discovering that he sounded normal, and the joy of seeing him alive and recovering, overrode every other concern.

Abbey couldn't resist playing into this. "And I heard all about Toby's incident."

Toby rolled his eyes in mortification.

Jed closed his eyes in much the same manner, and for much the same reason. "Terrific. If that gets out -" The news stations would eat that tidbit alive for sure.

"Too late." His wife was clearly enjoying herself.

She didn't mention, however, that Toby had saved Leo's life in turn. Time enough for that guaranteed outburst of emotion later, when her husband had strength to spare.

"Damn. And the White House leaks like a sieve." Jed breathed deeply, still fighting the lure of sleep. Still unaware of eavesdropping comrades. "Then you make sure everyone also knows a few other things. Byron got us safely into Sherwood at the start."

The Commander stood proudly at attention.

"Wayne hot-wired the silo that wouldn't open."

The Lieutenant blushed.

"Johnny gave up his camera and his film, so that we could get out of there."

The reporter ducked his head bashfully.

"And Leo disobeyed every order in the book. He's too loyal for his own good."

The Chief of Staff just stood there and smiled, not the least bothered by that backhanded compliment. Their friendship thrived on a unique honesty and a mutual loyalty.

The door whispered open again at this moment, and two more people entered this small room in silence. The others parted soundlessly to admit them.

"Oh, and Ron and Donnie both did great jobs. Above and beyond the call..." Jed projected a palpable pride in his people.

Donnie's timing could not have been more perfect. He tried to keep a straight face, as befit his job... and did not entirely succeed.

An additional reason for that might have been because he was providing physical propulsion for his boss.

If Leo, Toby and Donnie looked unlike their usual selves in combat uniforms, Ron in a dressing-gown and wheelchair still beat them hands down. Naturally he did not want to disturb his protectee, yet typically he refused to consider himself off-duty until he knew for sure that his protectee was well.

Now, at last, he had that proof. The stern cast to his features, which he wore as comfortably as his business suits and loaded firearms and lethal training, softened in a way it almost never did around these people. Now at last he could lay down his responsibility, his eternal vigilance, and rest.

The Man was losing his contest with his own sense of vigilance; the interval lengthened between each blink. Yet not even an exhaustion of the soul could smother his thankfulness. "A lot of people made this operation possible."

Fitz and Charlie, though they had not been named in their own hearing, wore identical quiet smiles. They didn't need to be complimented in person to enjoy the moment.

"You've got some work laid out to congratulate them all," Abbey teased.

"Yeah... The country should know, too." Jed was probably anticipating a formal ceremony where he could declare his deep gratitude to the world.

The grins among his visitors increased. Forget about awards for them; they likely saw their leader as the best candidate of all.

The First Lady spotted those grins, and reflected them. She twisted at the waist, about to draw her husband's attention to the fact that he could start thanking them right now -

He beat her to it. "Knew I forgot something... Any SEALs hurt?"

"Not a one." Conviction and relief rang in her words.

"Praise God." That eliminated his last worry.

"Yes, our accident-prone President was the only real casualty."

"Not so."

Everyone froze. Who?

Holding on to conscious thought with the last vestiges of strength, Jed summoned a large portion of his old resonance. They all could hear the strain, though. "The SCRAM officer. I have no doubt... he did his best, to do his duty. The fact that he failed... and died... doesn't lesson his effort... or his commitment."

Nodding heads agreed wholeheartedly with him.

"I need to know... is that sub a threat to anyone... or anything?"

Abbey glanced at Fitz, who firmly shook his head. "It's not," she translated.

A long exhalation wheezed out, and those blue eyes drifted shut. "Okay."

That sigh blew away the last of the fear. It was over, and they had won.

Silence fell, and some must have wondered if their Commander-in-Chief had finally succumbed to his overwhelming need to sleep and heal. Then,

"We have to build it again. Another 'Callanan'. In tribute... to the human will to strive for the best. No matter what the dangers... no matter what the setbacks. Together."

Heads bobbed again all around the room. Everyone could tell how important this was to him. Everyone endorsed his opinion.

Abbey leaned close, her eyes shining. "I'd say that applies to you too, Mr. President."

They all endorsed that as well.

Jed smiled - whether in acceptance or in modesty, no one could tell. With his eyes still closed, he looked downright adorable...

His family and friends stood there, shoulder to shoulder, and shared in the gently exploding warmth that enveloped them all.

They had triumphed - as a nation, and as a family. Together.

Their leader had survived.

Their country was safe.

Their spirit would endure.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18

| Back | Send Feedback | The National Library |