Character(s): Jed, Abbey
Rating: MATURE just because that's what I think.
Disclaimer: I own no one.
Summary: On my worst day, she is all that I believe in. POV: Jed
Author's Note: Before you go any farther, know that this contains
blasphemy in the form of Jed and Abbey. Please be warned. I won't be
responsible for what you read.
I am on my worst day an athiest, a sinner. Hell, on my best day I sin
only a hand full of times without trying. On my worst day, the thought of
getting out of bed to face a world that doesn't want to change is daunting. On
those days, I want to hide behind my wife and peek over her shoulder at the
monsters outside the door. She faces them with a smirk and a raised eyebrow
before proceeding to kick their asses. She's my knight in a white lab coat.
With a nifty little name plate too.
On my worst day, she is all that I believe in. On days like that, God has
no place in my mind as we have, at intervals, let each other down. She is all
that believe in. I believe in the scent of her hair, the taste of her skin, the
twinkle in her eye. She is all that grounds me. She will lie beside me, her
fingers laced with mine and she won't even ask. She doesn't want or need to
know. On those days, I worship her. On those days, I am a sinner. Just like
"I am the Lord, your God. Thou shalt have no other Gods before
me." I remember saying this before. I'm believed it so strongly. Inside, I
know that no one has His power, no one being could ever hope to possess it. He
knew what He was saying when He said that, but I see Abigail lying there, the
picture of calm and glory and I, in my mind, picture Him. I am unworthy of Him
as her and I know this. On these days, I love her more than He and myself. I am
On my best day, she lightens my burden with a smile and an embrace. And
as always, I worship her in secret, never voicing the wonderlust I feel. Is it
wrong to love/worship the same person that you lust for? I think it is, but she
wanders out of the bathroom after her bath, clad in only a fluffy towel that
reaches just to her knees. I am in lust. Her face is flushed from the heat and
her hair sticks to the back of her neck. I love her with her hair wet. She sees
me watching and does a little dance for me, ending with her blowing a kiss at
me before disappearing into the walk-in closet. I am in love with her. I would
bow down to her. I have.
We lie in bed in silence, nothing else need be said. My hands are flat on
her back; she's still damp from her bath. Her hair tickles my nose, my breath
on her neck. She sighs a little.
"What wrong?" She is still. She thought I was asleep. She turns
to me slowly. Her eyes are alight.
"Can I tell you a secret?" I nod to her, she can tell my
anything. She seems nervous. "This goes against everything I've been
taught and you've been taught, but...Jed, on my worst day, I worship you. I
watch you and lust for you and defer to you as I know I shouldn't. I know it's
wrong, but...I can't stop and I don't want to." She doesn't meet my eyes
and turns away. She sits up and wraps her arms around her legs. I don't know
what to feel. She is afraid.
I sit up and press a hand to her back. I move closer to her. Her
breathing is shallow. I run my fingers through her hair. Her eyes close and she
leans into my touch. I press a kiss behind her ear and another just below it.
My teeth gently scrape her earlobe. I hear her hiss. There is an expectant
silence. I know what she wants to hear.
"On my worst day, I worship you. On days like that, God has no place
in me. Only you." I drop butterfly kisses along her jaw and feel the
relief that overcomes her. She thought she was alone. She is never alone.
Thirty-five years should have made her used to that by now. Sometimes, I know I
let her down as I let Him down. I won't let her down tonight. My Goddess.
I turn her around and see her eyes are wet with tears. I don't want her
to cry. I hold her face and kiss them away. She looks at me, her eyes filled with
a lust/love I can see reflected in my own. I kiss her; she kisses me. Our
clothes fall away and I hold her close, as possessed by her as she by me. We
bask in the light between us, the sheets discarded on the floor. Her head rests
against my chest, her fingers playing across my stomach. She is the picture of
calm and glory. I am so in love with her. Her eyes reflect it back. She is in
love with me.
"I'm going to hell." I don't know what makes me say that or why
I thought now would be the best time to say it. Her fingers stop for a moment
before resuming their play. She is with me.
"So am I." There is no hesitation, no doubt. She is certain.
"I am the Lord, your God. Thou shalt have no other Gods before me."
She pauses, pressing kisses across my chest. "I'm going to hell." She
doesn't care. I care. I don't want want this for her. She deserves Heaven.
"I want you to go to Heaven." She smiles. I can feel her lips
"Okay." She's toying with me.
"Okay." She confuses me; I worship her.
"Okay. What's okay?"
"Jed, I'm going whereever you're going. Get used to it. We are
eternity, in whichever way we go. I'm with you. Love me...or don't." She
rises and walks from my sight. I have disappointed her. I have failed her. As
I rise to follow her, watching her stand in front of the mirror, nude,
washing her face. She looks back at me. She knew I would follow. She knows me
She turns to face me with that smirk and quirked eyebrow. I think she's
going to kick my ass. She reaches up and wraps her arms around my neck. We kiss
gently. Our bodies pressed to the counter, we mold, join, and tangle until we
are as one gestalt entity. I have not failed her this time. I will not fail her
again. If only that were true.
On my worst days, I love her and only her. And on my best, she comes a
close second. There is, but one God, says He. But I look to my Goddess,
lounging in her glory and I am tainted. There is but one God. Her name be
Abigail; my Goddess
| << back | send feedback | The National Library |