Smile

by: Kelley

Rating: TEEN
Category: A/U, general, Josh/Amy, [just for a little while], D/other, J/D
Spoilers: Anything through the first three seasons is fair game but I’ll try to stick to pre-"Stirred".
Disclaimers: I have absolutely no claim to these West Wing characters whatsoever, no matter what the voices inside my head say. As for any other references to pop culture I may make that I don’t own, I am a lowly high school student with a C+ average, no money, and a highly overactive imagination so please don’t sue! Emma Wilder, Ben Peterson, T.J. Moss, Nicole Moss-Braun, Lily Irving, Mena Falansio, and Dr. Michael Flynn are entirely my creation and I retain all rights to exclusively use them in my fics.
Feedback: I will shave a monkey’s uncle for feedback, baby!
Notes: The story starts after the Democratic National Convention, where the president was re-nominated and is pretty much A/U. There will be flashbacks that will be marked with *****. The president finally hired a replacement for Mrs. Landingham and he chose Donna. Since she, like the rest of us, can’t stand to see Josh with Amy she took the job. Also Bruno, Connie, and Doug never existed in this universe. Other than that, everything’s pretty much as is.

Air Force One: August 23, 2002

Donna leaned back into the plush seat as she felt the aircraft taking off. She had been working nonstop all day, staying with President as he had given several dozen interviews before taking off from O’Hare back to Andrews after the convention and she had been having to adjust his schedule what seemed like every fifteen minutes. She was dead tired and the President knew it. He had ordered her to spend the entire four-hour flight sleeping and she was being given the rest of the day off when they got to D.C. Granted, it was going to be around 11:30 pm when they landed but it was really the thought that counted. The President was really a remarkably considerable man to work and while technically Donna always had worked for him, it was a much different relationship now that she was his personal assistant.

Donna sighed, thinking about how much her professional life had changed in the past few months. She, Donnatella Igraine Moss, a college-dropout from Madison, was now in charge of helping to keep the office of the President of the United States running smoothly. Some might say it was a less strenuous job than say, Deputy C.o.S. But like there are no small parts just small actors in Hollywood, in the White House there are no small jobs just demanding, underpaid ones. Being the President’s assistant was much harder than being Josh’s in some respects. She had to travel much more frequently, she worked longer hours, and she was in charge of keeping the president from going crazy during the day. One an average day, the President will lose his mind roughly three to four times. It had always been Mrs. Landingham who had kept him on an even keel and now Donna had discovered that it was her duty as well. In that respect, it was quite similar to what she had done with Josh but it was different because the President didn’t insult her taste in men and she didn’t have to decorate the Residence for him to have a romantic evening with the First Lady. Donna chewed carefully on her lower lip, a bit of a reminder that she had promised herself she wouldn’t let herself think of Josh and Amy like that. And when she says "that", she means in a romantic relationship together. She just didn’t understand what Josh saw in her. Amy was a female version of Josh, which meant that she was brilliant, egotistical, and stubborn as an ox. By definition, that meant that she had to be right about everything. And Donna, knowing Josh as well as she did, knew that Josh hated being with a woman who fought him on everything. Donna just didn’t get what he saw in her. Maybe he realized it was time for him to start settling down, maybe he thought it was a smart political move to be with her, maybe it was just really great sex. Although that was an option she didn’t like to consider since it would mean she actually had to let herself believe that they were having sex. The only option that Donna wouldn’t even think of considering was the one she dreaded most of all: that Josh’s feelings for Amy weren’t motivated out of politics or guilt but rather out of genuine love.

"Hey, aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?" Sam’s voice asked, breaking Donna out of her reverie.

Donna’s tired eyes looked up at him with a surprised look. "How’d you know that?"

"I’m intuitive like that."

"Sam," she sighed tiredly.

Sam looked down sheepishly as he sat down next to her. "The President sent me here to check on you."

"Ah," she said knowingly. "Ever the busybody he is"

"Yeah but he’s actually, you know, right this time. You do look pretty run down, Donna."

Donna rolled her eyes at him. "So he’s gotten to you too, huh? You know just because he’s the leader of the free world he has this crazy notion that he can boss everybody around. Did he send you here to take my temperature or is Mrs. Bartlet going to be waiting on the tarmac when we land?"

"Actually," Sam said carefully, "It wasn’t just the President; everyone’s noticed how tired you’ve been lately. CJ, Toby, Charlie. Josh even told me to make sure you were feeling okay while we were in Chicago before he left this morning."

"He did?" Donna asked surprised. "Why?"

"He noticed that you were looking like an extra from, "Night of the Living Dead", when we were in Chicago. He told me if I valued my job when we got back that I should make sure you were okay on the flight back since he couldn’t be here."  

"Oh," she said knowingly, "that’s right I almost forgot. He has to go to that fundraiser with Amy tonight doesn’t he? That’s why he couldn’t be here himself to be nosey," she answered annoyed, completely missing Sam’s point that Josh was concerned about her.

Sam let out a breath before jumping in. "Okay, I’m just going to assume you’re acting like this because you’re sick and miserable, not because you’re actually pissed at Josh for some stupid reason or another."

"I’m not pissed at him!" she cried incredulously. "Why does everybody assume that I’m pissed at him?!"

"Okay," said Sam quickly, realizing his mistake almost before the words came out of his mouth. "You’re not pissed at him, its something else."

"Yes because my life doe not revolve around Joshua Lyman," Donna continued, not even seeming to hear Sam. "In fact, my life never revolved around him. I was never his little lapdog or whatever else anyone says about me."

"No one ever said you were..." Sam started before Donna cut him off.

"So what if he and I were closer than most bosses are with their assistants?" she plowed through, even though she was beginning to feel a little lightheaded. All this arguing with Sam was making her tired. "We worked long hours together, naturally some form of closeness is going to form. It doesn’t mean that I’m going to be pissed at him for abandoning his job, his very important job, just so he can go schmooze with his girlfriend."

"No one’s saying that you are," Sam managed to get in. "We never thought that you were Josh’s little lost puppy or anything like that. We just think that you’ve been pushing yourself a little too hard lately and it's beginning to affect your personality. You know, you’ve been burning the candle at both ends for weeks now. Maybe you should think about taking some time..."

Sam droned on but Donna had stopped listening. She was becoming acutely aware of how dizzy she was feeling. The entire cabin seemed to be spinning and Donna was having trouble focusing her eyes. She thought it was just the change in altitude and she figured walking around the plane a little would help her. Just as she stood up, it felt like someone had jammed a cloth down her throat. All of a sudden she couldn’t breathe and she turned to look at Sam who had a confused look on his face.

"Donna?" she heard him say before her legs gave out from under her. The last thing she felt was his arms reach out to catch her before she hit the floor. When she looked up, instead of Sam’s blue eyes she wished she were seeing Josh’s brown ones. That was her last conscious thought before everything went black.

George Washington University Hospital: The Following Morning

"...But we’ll need to run more tests before we now exactly what stage she’s in right now so we want to keep her here for observation for a while," Donna heard the unfamiliar voice say as she was trying in vain to open her eyes.

"Can you tell us anything right now?" the unmistakable voice of President Bartlet asked.

Donna was finally able to open her eyes even though the second she did she regretted it. There were suddenly all these bright colors that seemed to be attacking her line of vision all at the same time while simultaneously there was this unknown roaring in her ears that left her basically deaf. It took a few seconds but her vision finally adjusted and the roaring in her ears quieted to gentle hum. Out of the corner of her right eye, she could make out what looked to be four people huddled in the corner of the room, which she had now assumed to be a hospital room, due to the antiseptic smell and the feel of the cheap cotton gown she had on. While she was curious to know how she had suddenly transported from Air Force One to a hospital bed, she also wanted to know whom these three people were and what they were doing in her room.

Normally when Donna had a question, she just opened her mouth and asked it. Now Donna found that while she could open her mouth, her vocal cords seemed to be paralyzed. Also, moving any part of her body, her mouth included, seemed to cause her agonizing pain. The most she could get out was a quiet moan but that was more than enough to get the attention of the people in room, who promptly gathered around her bed save the agent.

"Good morning, Donna," the President said, looking down on her with his concerned, fatherly face on. That was never a good sign.

Donna took a second to swallow before saying in a raspy whisper, "Good morning, Sir." A hand with a cup of something in it reached out to put the straw near her lips. She carefully sipped the cool water slowly and just as slowly the burning sensation in her throat lessened. When she was done, she looked up and saw the faces of the President, Leo, one of the president’s agents still in the corner of the room, and an unknown face in sterile blue medical scrubs and a white lab coat that Donna assumed was the doctor. "What happened to me?"

The three men gave each other a look before the doctor answered. "Donna, my name is Dr. Michael Flynn." The man’s soft, brown skin and intelligent face gave him an aura of gentleness and trust that Donna immediately latched onto. "I’ll be your treating physician. Do you know where you are right know?" he asked as he reached into his lab coat pocket and retrieved a small flashlight which he than proceeded to shine into Donna’s eyes.

"I think I’m at a hospital," she answered, squinting slightly from the bright light.

"That’s right," Dr. Flynn answered, putting the flashlight back into his pocket. He then reached for her wrist and began checking her pulse. "You're at George Washington University Hospital in DC. You've had a nice little nap, young lady."

"What day is it?" Donna asked, turning to the President and Leo while Dr. Flynn continued his examination.

"Its Sunday, about nine o’clock in the morning," said Leo, his usual gruff voice replaced by a calm one with dulcet tones. Now Donna was really beginning to get worried. Something must be really wrong if even Leo was acting like this.

"Well okay," said Donna carefully as the doctor propped her up so he could listen to her heart and lungs. "So what happened to me? Did I pass out and hit my head or something?" she asked in a quiet voice, worried about herself for the first time in a long time. The three men glanced at each other again before Dr. Flynn took the initiative.

"Mr. President, Mr. McGarry," he asked as he placed the stethoscope back around his neck, "could you give us a moment? I’d rather talk to Donna in private." Even though he had already told them what he suspected was wrong when Donna was unconscious.

"Of course, Doctor," the President said. He and Leo both gave Donna’s hand a squeeze as they left and the agent discretely followed them.

Dr. Flynn moved to sit in the chair on the left side of Donna’s bed. While he adjusted, it gave Donna a chance to appraise the man. He appeared to be in his mid-60s, with almost snow-white hair providing a stark contrast to his black skin. His hands were large and soft, weathered from years of doing useful work. His eyes had that very honest quality that one likes to see in a doctor yet there was also deep empathy in them at the same time. Donna trusted him at once and hoped that whatever news he was about to give her was not as bad as she felt it was going to be.

"Well young lady," he said kindly. "You gave a lot of people quite a scare." 

"What exactly happened?" she asked moving to sit up but realizing at once that she was too weak to do that. The doctor solved her problem by taking the remote control and adjusting the bed.

"What’s the last thing that you remember happening before you woke up?" Dr. Flynn asked.

Donna searched through her foggy mind, trying to locate that elusive memory. "Um, I think I was on Air Force One," she said haltingly. "With Sam. I was with Sam on the plane and then..." she paused, "I don’t remember. What happened?"

"Yes you were on the plane with Sam," responded the doctor. "What happened was you appeared to have fainted onboard and you lost consciousness on and off for the rest of the flight. The cockpit radioed ahead and you were brought here as soon as you landed."

Donna took a minute to absorb that knowledge. She remembered feeling lousy almost as soon as the plane took off so she must have fainted right after they left O’Hare. It startled her to think that that had been her last clear thought before she was unconscious for eight hours. ‘This must be very serious’ she thought to herself.

"This is very serious, Donna" the doctor said as he put on a pair of glasses, almost as if he knew what she was thinking. "You’re going to have to stay here for some time so I suggest you get in contact with the people who need to be contacted."

"How long will I be here for?"

Scanning quickly through a medical chart that Donna assumed was hers, he said, "At least a couple of weeks but probably more so maybe you should call your family..."

"A couple of weeks?" she asked, surprised and nervous all at once, so she started to ramble. "Why that long? I fainted, for Christ sakes it’s probably nothing and you’re only keeping me here so you don’t piss off the President, who is just a nosey busybody so I don’t get why you care so much..."

"Donna," the doctor said gently but firmly, putting the folder down and looking straight at her. "When you fainted on board, at one point you stopped breathing, for no apparent reason." That got Donna’s attention. "The naval doctor was able to revive you using CPR and inserting a tube down your throat to help you breathe onboard but we need to know what’s wrong with you right now."

Donna couldn't even move in that instant. She felt paralyzed and the only thought that ran through her head was that she had stopped breathing. Someone had to give her CPR. Someone had to put a tube down her throat to give her oxygen. Someone had to breathe for her. Someone had to keep her alive because she couldn't. It was a sobering thought.

"I...I stopped breathing?" she asked in a stunned whisper.

"Yes," said the doctor, sympathy showing in his every gesture. "You did. And there probably is something that’s seriously wrong with you right now. What exactly that is, I don’t know." He reached for her left hand. "But I promise you I’m going to do everything within my power to find out what it is and cure it. But I need your help too. This may be a long process that could take anywhere from hours to weeks. It’s going to be tough, disappointing, and not all that pretty. I’m going to need you to be strong for me Donna." He gave her hand a squeeze, almost as if he were making a promise or a deal of some kind. "Can you be strong for me?"

Donna just wanted to close her eyes and not open them again until this whole thing was over with. The possibility that there was something seriously wrong with her was a concept she couldn’t even begin to seriously comprehend but she knew that she had to. She thought back to all the times, when people she loved where sick: nursing her little brother T.J. when he was hospitalized with pneumonia, sitting with her mom in the hospital before and after every surgery when the doctors tried unsuccessfully to stop the cancer from spreading, refusing to bring Josh any work when he was recovering from the gunshot. All of these people she loved so much and she had watched them all be strong for her even when they didn’t want to be. Donna knew then that she had that same obligation to the family and friends that would be around her during this time. She made her decision right at that moment that whatever this was, she wasn’t going to let it beat her, no matter how hard it was. She just couldn’t let her family suffer like that again. She looked at the doctor and squeezed his hand as hard as he could.

"Absolutely," she rasped.

White House Communications Bullpen:Same Day

"Has either of you heard anything from Leo yet?" CJ asked as she walked into Toby’s office, where he and Sam were. They were all tired, stressed out, and worried about Donna. Leo had insisted that they all leave the waiting room at around two am that morning to try to get some sleep for the next day. So they had all gone home but naturally none of them could sleep.

"No, nothing," said Toby, his usually gruff voice subdued by his anxiety over Donna. Out of all the people that something bad should happen to, she was at the very bottom of his list. It just wasn’t fair that she should have to go through something potentially serious at this point in her life.

"Do you think that’s good or bad?" Sam asked quietly, still reeling from the memory of watching his friend collapse.

"Well," started CJ carefully, sitting down next to Sam on the sofa, "I guess it means that she hasn’t gotten any worse, which is good..."

"But it also means that she probably hasn’t woken up yet, which could be bad," finished Toby. He wiped at his tired eyes as the three of them lapsed into silence.

"What did Josh say when you called him?" Sam asked abruptly, turning to Toby.

"When?" he asked.

"Last night, from the hospital," Sam asked as he got up to stretch his aching muscles.

Toby had a curious look on his face. "I didn’t call him last night. CJ and I were working on the press statements from the convention at the hospital and than Leo sent us home. Didn’t you call him from the plane?"

"No," said Sam defensively, "I was too busy sitting outside Donna’s room, waiting for the doctor to leave so I could go in there in case she woke up. You, on the other hand, were meeting with staff and going over a list of campaign stops for the next month," he finished accusingly.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Sam?" Toby asked, walking around his desk to stand near Sam. "That I was any less concerned about Donna than you were? That I was any less scared that something was really wrong with her?" raising his voice an octave higher as he stood in front of Sam.

"Guys, just stop it," CJ said, holding up her hands and moving in between the two men. "All of us are stressed out and we’re all worried about Donna. That doesn’t mean that you two can go out onto the playground and have a fight during recess. Okay?" The two men looked at each other before retreating, Sam back to the sofa and Toby to his desk. "Alright," CJ sighed after a minute, running a hand through her hair and launching into Press Secretary mode. "If he asks, we didn’t call him because we all know how limited his time with Amy is and we didn’t want to worry him until we knew anything for sure." She paused and tapped her foot lightly against the floor. Neither Toby nor Sam made a move. "So someone just has to call Josh right now and tell him what happened."

"Or you could just turn around and tell him face to face, save yourself the trouble," a voice from the doorway proclaimed. CJ, Sam, and Toby turned around to see Josh leaning against the doorway, his backpack slung across his shoulder. He looked fairly relaxed but tired and he could immediately sense that something was up.

"What’s going on?" he asked as he came into the room, simultaneously reading a memo of some kind. The three of them all looked at each other, trying to gauge what Josh’s reaction would be when they told him. "Don’t tell me you guys caused some major crisis in the past twenty-four hours I was gone that you now need me to fix," he said jokingly, hoping it was something minor that he could finish before lunch. When no one laughed or tried to retort him, he got the message loud and clear: Something really bad had happened.

"Josh," said Toby carefully, deciding to delve into this slowly. "How long were you standing in the door just then?"

"A minute, why?" he asked putting his backpack down by the sofa and placing the memo on the coffee table, giving Toby his full attention. CJ and Sam both moved to sit down on the sofa and Toby leaned against his desk while Josh remained standing near the door.

"Something happened on the plane last night," Toby said. His eyes left Josh’s as he continued. "Donna got really sick and she was brought to GW when we landed."

As soon as Josh had heard the words "Donna" and "GW", he began to get nervous. "What exactly happened?" he asked quietly.

Sam took over for Toby. "She fainted right after take off and she was...um...in and out of consciousness the rest of the flight."

"Wait, she was unconscious on the flight?" Josh asked stunned. A million thoughts raced through his mind. ‘Did she hit her head on something? Was it something that she ate? Is she taking medication for something?’ he thought to himself as his feet were rooted to the floor of Toby’s office. "I need to call her. When did they release her?" he asked.

"From the hospital?" Toby asked. Josh nodded. "They didn’t, she’s still there. They wanted to keep her there for observation was the last that Leo knew when he called us."

 "Leo’s with her right now?"

"Yes, Leo and the President both stayed with her," CJ answered. "Leo told us to go home and he promised he’d call when Donna woke up or they had any new news."

"Well has there been any news since then?"

"No, we haven’t heard anything," said CJ. "Which could be good."

"Or bad but we were still trying to decide when you walked in," Sam added, making a weak attempt at humor. By the look that everyone gave him he knew instantly that his attempt failed.

Josh shook his head, rubbing his eyes with his palms. "I don’t get it, why didn’t I get a phone call the minute you guys realized something was wrong?"

"We know how little time you have with Amy and we didn’t want to worry you until we knew anything for sure," Toby answered almost in sync with Sam's answer. The two men looked at each other coldly than at the ground.

"You forgot," Josh laughed cynically. "Donna is sick and hospitalized and none of you had the decency to call me!" he practically shouted. "Was I just supposed to find out this morning from the gossip at the coffee maker like a stupid intern or something?!"

"Josh calm down please," CJ, ever the peacemaker, said just as Toby’s cell phone started to ring. As Toby answered it, she continued. "It was a hectic night and we were all worried and yes we wrong not to call you. But it wasn’t intentional. Now you need to relax because Donna sure as hell isn’t going to get any better with you having a nutty right in front of her. Okay?" she finished. Josh nodded slowly and basically fell onto the couch, resting his head in his hands. Toby hung up the phone and looked at them.

"That was Leo," he said. "She just woke up."

"Is she all right?" Josh asked, immediately springing to his feet.

"I don’t know, all he said was that she woke up and the doctor was speaking to her," Toby responded. "And that the President was on his way back here. He wants to meet with us."

"When’s he going to get here?" asked CJ.

Just then, they heard the familiar wail of sirens that identified that the President was going in through the side entrance. A few minutes later, the four of them were standing in the Executive Office, waiting for the President to arrive. When he did, there was an instantaneous change in stature and manner among them all to accommodate for the enormous presence that is Jed Bartlet.

"Come on in," he said, not even stopping before striding into the Oval Office. "Charlie, get me the memo that the director of the NSA left for me about Qumar and arrange a meeting with State Dept. officials for around noon."

"Yes sir," said Charlie, already moving to complete the tasks before the President finished giving them.

"Is everything all right, Sir?" Toby asked when they all stepped into the office.

The President moved behind his desk, putting on his glasses and reading the memo that Charlie had quickly found and placed on his desk. "Thank you, Charlie," he said as he sat down. "Could you close the door please?"

"Yes, Sir," answered Charlie, moving to leave the room.

"No, no stay Charlie," the President replied when he saw Charlie going through the doorway. "You probably need to hear this too."

A minute passed as the President continued to read the memo and Charlie situated himself on the sofa with Sam. CJ and Toby sat in the sofa opposite them and Josh was standing near one of the armchairs, his arms folded tightly across his chest, his eyes tense. When he was finished reading the memo, the President placed his glasses on his desk and stood up to come around the desk and sit in the armchair closest to the desk.

"Is everything all right, Sir?" Toby asked again, deliberately.

"The Qumari military has been receiving citations from the UN Security Council about its numerous uses of brutal force when breaking up protests in the region," the President said in his soft yet commanding voice. "Koffi Anun wants me to send a representative to the next meeting of the General Assembly in two weeks."

"He meant with Donna, Sir" Josh said impatiently.

"Yeah I know he did," Jed Bartlet sighed. "I was just hoping to avoid that question for as long as I possibly could."

"What's wrong?" Josh demanded. "What's wrong with her?"

"Her doctor thinks that it's something called aplastic anemia but they need to run more tests before they're sure," Jed said, wiping at his tired eyes.

"So they don't know yet? It could be nothing at all right?" Josh asked hopefully.

"No," Jed said quietly. "The doctor, uh Dr. Michael Flynn, is an expert in the field of hematology and he's just waiting for the test results to confirm it before he tells Donna. But he's positive that it's aplastic anemia."

"What's that, some kind of disorder or something?" Sam asked, after the quiet had passed.

"Yeah," the President answered. "It's a blood disorder. It's actually pretty rare but it's generally found in women in Donna's age group. It means her red blood cells are depleting too fast for her body to keep up. That leaves her weak, which is why she’s been so tired lately.

"Can it be treated? CJ asked.

"It depends on what stage it's in. In the first two stages, it's treatable through medication and periodic red blood cell transfusions. When it gets into the third stage, a bone marrow transplant is needed and sometimes even a liver transplant and if a suitable match isn’t found the disease will go into the fourth stage." Jed bit his lower lip softly before continuing in an even quieter voice. "The disease is terminal in the fourth stage."

"Well what stage is Donna in?" Toby asked.

The President paused before answering. "She's borderline between the third and fourth stages."

Toby cleared his throat. "Well...uh...and that means?"

"If she doesn't get a successful bone marrow transplant in the next few weeks..." he said.

"She's gonna die?" finished Josh, looking to the President for confirmation. Jed cast his eyes downward and nodded to the affirmative. Everyone in the room was stilled into silence, each lost in the seriousness of that statement. They were all inadequately prepared for this. Give them a speech to right or a vote to swing; they could all handle that. But losing one of their closest friends to a rare disease? None of them, least of all Josh was anywhere close to being prepared for that.

"Um... do you know if they’re going to release her soon, Sir?" asked CJ, her eyes just a little bit watery.

"No," said the President. "They want to keep her there in case there’s an emergency. She could have serious problems quickly if this disease isn't properly monitored. They’re also going to start giving her daily transfusions to try to reverse the process of the disease. Dr. Flynn says that that can happen occasionally."

"Is she in any pain?" Sam wanted to know.

"They’re giving her medication to control it, also to prevent her from having anymore episodes like the one she had on the plane." He paused for a second. "She’s very well taken care of there and I placed Secret Service agents outside her door to prevent any unwanted visitors."

"The press knows?" a surprised CJ asked.

"One of the President’s closest staffers collapses on Air Force One and is rushed to GW upon landing?" stated Toby. "I think there gonna be a little curious."

"Yeah I’ll go talk to her today about releasing statements," CJ said, mentally preparing a list of things that she would need to do. "Does her family know yet?"

"We’ve been trying to get in touch with them since we landed but we haven’t been able to locate anybody," said the President.

Charlie responded with, "I’ll pull her personal records, get her emergency contacts."

"Or maybe Margaret or Ginger would know who she’d want to call," added Sam.

"What time is it?" Josh finally asked after remaining silent during the whole exchange.

"It’s almost ten o’clock," said Charlie with a glance at his wrist.

"Damn it, I’m gonna be late," said Josh moving towards the door.

"Where are you going?" asked a confused Sam.

"Rittenhower wanted a meeting on sugar subsides in the southeast and I blew him off Friday at the convention so I’ve got to meet with him for brunch in twenty minutes," Josh replied, heading out the door. "When are we gonna meet again?"

"Josh I don't think that you should take..." started Jed.

"Sir if I don't take this meeting, Rittenhower will raise nine kinds of hell when we try to get the education reform bill out of his committee," Josh stated almost immediately putting on the mask of political operative that hid his pain. "That is not something that we want coming up so close to November. If I take the meeting, I can fix this so it won't be an issue.

"Yeah but Josh do you really think that now is the time to..." Sam scoffed

"Yes," said the President, looking at Josh carefully. "Meet with him, Josh, but don't make any commitments until you talk with Leo."

"Yessir," said Josh, leaving the room.

The four people in the room all turned to look at the President who had moved back behind his desk, each of them not understanding why he'd just let Josh go and all of them fairly angry about it. Of course, none of them could directly vocalize their anger at him in a way that they wanted too. But they all wanted to know why.

"Sir?" CJ asked. "May I ask why you just did what you did right then?"

"Well first off he's right," the President, opening some folders and scanning the documents inside before signing them. "We do need Rittenhower's support if the EEA is ever going to get out of committee." He put the pen down and took off his reading glasses to look at all of them. "And secondly he's not ready to deal with Donna just yet."

"Not ready to deal with Donna?" asked Sam incredulously. "She's is sick, hospitalized, and she needs him. When he was shot, she was there for him, no questions asked. And now she needs him and he's running away."

"And why do you think that is Sam?" Jed asked, getting frustrated. ""He's scared out of his mind because the most important person in the world to him is lying in a hospital bed dying and there isn't anything he can do to help her! He can't save her but he can save the EEA and you know why?!" Jed took a breath to calm himself down before he continued. "Because that's what Josh does. Something is wrong, so he comes along and fixes it. He can't fix Donna but he can fix the god damn EEA."

Sam nodded, a little taken aback by the President's diatribe. "Yeah, he can," said Sam in calm, yielding voice. "But Donna is a person who needs to fix things too. And she waited fourteen hours in that same waiting room for him. And she was with him for three months before she saw results with him. That was three months of yelling and frustration and pain before he began acting like a human again and then she waited three more months before she could start worrying about herself and not about whether or not she was gonna go into his apartment and find him in a pool of his own blood," he said deliberately. "Now she's the one in that hospital room and instead of being in that waiting room, he's going for to meet with an uptight Republican to discuss farming laws and the Redskins over coffee. You're telling me you're all okay with that?"

"No I'm not," said Toby. "But like the President said, what can we do? We can't drag Josh there kicking and screaming and we can't wave a magic wand and cure Donna."

Sam shook his head, his face looking like he was defeated. "So what do we do?"

Toby looked around the room at the helpless faces of his friends and colleagues. He was feeling a little like it was the night of a major Senate vote and no one would take his phone calls. There was absolutely nothing any of them could do at this point and they all knew it.

"I don’t know," answered Toby.

GWU Hospital: Donna’s Room (simultaneously)

"How is everyone?" Donna asked when Leo walked back into the room after going to make a phone call back to the White House.

"Okay," he responded, sitting across from Donna in a wide, uncomfortable hospital chair. "They’re all worried about you. Everyone’s asking to be kept updated on your condition." He stopped and grinned at her. "Hell, even Oliver Babish called to see how you were doing."

"Oh they shouldn’t do that, they’ve got more important things to worry about," she said quietly, her throat still sore from the breathing tube the naval doctor on Air Force One had placed down her throat.

"Donna the President of the United States was down here for almost five hours after he had just received re-nomination at the Democratic National Convention to make sure you were gonna be okay," said Leo, with just the hint of a smile. "I’d say that rates you pretty important on his list of priorities."

Donna shook her head. "I’m just his assistant," she said.

"You’re his daughter, Donna, just as much as his own girls are," he told her, not oblivious to the surprised expression she wore on her face when he said it. "You do know that don’t you?"

Donna cleared her throat. "So, um, have you heard anything from my family at all?" she asked, clearly uncomfortable with the subject.

"Yeah," said Leo. "You’re sister’s going to be here by tonight but your brother couldn’t catch a flight until tomorrow morning. We, uh, couldn’t find your dad at the number that was in your file, do any of you know where he’d be?"

"No," answered Donna. "We don’t know where he is." She paused for a second before deciding to continue. "You see, he fought in Vietnam before I was born but he was a ground soldier and he’s had...problems for a while now." She gave Leo a little half smile. "Most of the time he stays close to home but sometimes...well uh it takes some...we have to wait until someone calls to tell us where..." she trailed off.

"It’s okay," said Leo raising his hand. "You don’t need to go into this. It’s your family; you don’t have to explain it to me or anybody else."

"Yeah," Donna replied nodding her head. She wiped at her eye, swapping away the almost nonexistent tear. The two of them remained silent like that for a few minutes; Donna picked imaginary lint off her blanket and Leo began studying his shoes as if they held the secrets of the universe. Donna was finally the one to break the silence by asking, "Has my doctor talked to you yet at all?"

Leo looked up at her. "Hmm?"

"I said ‘has my doctor talked to you yet at all’," Donna repeated. "About me, I mean."

"Oh," said Leo, trying to stall. "No, no that’s...that’s between you two. You know doctor/patient confidentiality and all."

"Yeah except he did talk to you and the President before you knew that I was awake," she said pointedly, looking straight at him. "What did he say to you? Did he tell you what he thinks is wrong with me?"

Leo nodded slowly. "Some stuff, nothing real specific. Just that you’ve got some kind of blood disease that’s pretty rare..."

"And that I’m going to die in 4 to 6 weeks if I don’t get a bone marrow transplant, right?" she finished, casting her eyes downward.

Leo reached out and took her hand in his. He could see that she was becoming very distressed about this and knew that it wasn’t good for her. So he did the best he could to try to calm her. "Donna, look at me," he said. "It is not going to come that okay? You’re gonna be fine."

"Yeah Leo, whatever you say," she answered, still not looking at him.

"No, Donna I’m serious..." he began sternly.

"And so am I," she cut off. "I need a bone marrow transplant so the new marrow will begin "teaching" my body to make more red blood cells. If it doesn’t happen soon, I’ll die. That’s not a hypothetical, that’s a fact. And the odds are not in my favor of a transplant working, even if they do find a correct match, which is still very unlikely giving that I have one of the rarest blood types in the world."

"Oh screw odds makers, they don’t know anything," Leo replied. "Odds makers have predicted the following: the New England Patriots to finish last in the AL East, the NASDAQ to drop 1,000 points by the end of the year, and in 1998 they picked Republican Senator Warren McGregor to win the presidency in a landslide victory. Any of those things happen at all?"

"First," Donna began. "I hate football. Second, I don’t play the stock market. And third..." she paused. "Well I can’t come up with a third right now. But it still doesn’t change my condition in any way." 

"All I’m saying," began Leo, "is that you shouldn’t put too much faith in playing the odds. They’re gonna find a match for you, the transplant will work, you’ll be fine, and then you can go back to working sixteen hours a day on a presidential re-election campaign," he said.

Donna nodded. "So what do I do until then, Leo?"

Leo could see that the conversation was beginning to wear on her and that she needed a good answer. She needed not necessarily an honest answer, just a good one. He just didn’t have one. So he told her the same thing that Jed and the others were telling themselves right then.

"I really don’t know what to do," he regrettably, honestly replied.

Josh’s Apartment: That Night

"What are you doing here, Sam?" Josh tiredly asked the figure behind his door when he looked through the peephole.

"Josh, just let me in okay. I’ll explain inside," Sam said, pounding on the door a second later when he got no response.

"Alright, alright, come in. Jesus, you’re gonna wake up Mr. Myers if you keep doing that."

Sam looked confused as he entered the doorway. "I thought he died like three months ago."

"My point exactly. Now what’s up? Is everything alright?"

"No," said Sam shaking his head and removing his coat. "Everything is not alright. Donna is not alright, Josh."

As the words left Sam’s mouth, Josh felt terror well up inside of him. "What happened to her? Did she have an episode or whatever it’s called?" he asked franticly. When he got no immediate response, he started towards Sam. "God damn it Sam! What the hell happened?!"

"Josh she’s okay!" Sam yelled back to calm him down. "She’s still at the hospital but she’s okay for now." Sam watched Josh release a giant breath as the relief washed over him. It made Sam remember his purpose for coming here. "Why didn’t you go see her?"

"What?"

"Donna," Sam said. "Why didn’t you go see her in the hospital?" Josh avoided his gaze and turned away from his friend. Sam could tell this was a conversation that Josh did not want to have but he plowed ahead anyway. "She needs you there, Josh. She’s hurt and lonely and absolutely terrified of what might happen to her."

"Nothing’s gonna happen to her," Josh said quietly. "She’s gonna be fine."

"She might not be, Josh."

"But she will be, Sam."

"But she probably won’t be and you need to accept that."

"What are you saying?" Josh asked, his voice like that of a small child scared of the monster under the bed. "Did the doctor’s find something else that’s wrong?"

Sam sighed. "Nothing’s changed. Donna’s in the same condition tonight that she was this morning. But that doesn’t change the fact that if she doesn’t get a bone marrow transplant soon, she’ll..." Sam trailed off. Josh was leaning back against the wall of his living room, looking like he wished he were anyplace else but this room. Even with all the anger that he felt for Josh right now, he was still Sam’s best friend and he felt horrible for Josh. "Why did you take the meeting with Rittenhower?"

Josh shrugged his shoulders. "Rittenhower..." he began, searching for the right answer. "Rittenhower, I couldn’t screw up. I mean I could walk into that restaurant, sit down next to him, and I’d know exactly what to do to get what I wanted." Josh paused and moved to sit on his couch where Sam joined him. "If I walk into that hospital room, how do I know I’m gonna be okay when I see her? How do I know I’m not gonna say something that’s gonna make this worse for her? I just..." he started laughing ruefully. "This is the first time in my life were I walk into the room and I have no idea what to say."

"Did you care what she said when you got shot?" Sam immediately asked.

"What?"

"When you were shot and you were in the hospital, Donna came to see you. Did you care what she said to you?"

"No, of course not."

"Not even just a little?"

"I didn’t care what she said to me, I just cared that she was there," Josh proclaimed, realizing the impact of his words as soon as he said them. Sam looked at him thoughtfully.

"You know," Sam started, "Visiting hours at GW ended about two hours ago but I’m pretty sure they’d make an exception for you."

"Don’t you think she’d be too tired for visitor?"

"Josh," Sam chided him gently.

"I’m not trying to stall," Josh defended. "I just don’t want her to be inconvienced."

"Believe me when I tell you she won’t mind in the least."

GWU Hospital: Outside Donna’s room [1 hour later]

Josh stood quietly outside Donna’s room, wondering what he was gonna find when he opened the door and walked inside. It had taken a lot just to get Josh to this point and he didn’t want to screw anything up. Sam had left Josh’s apartment after Josh had promised him he’d go as soon as he finished a briefing memo for the morning. Sam, immediately recognizing Josh’s infamous avoidance behavior, insisted on driving Josh to the hospital himself. Once they’d gotten there, Josh had declared that he was fine and Sam could go home but Sam, of course, wanted to see Donna too so he’d ridden the elevator with him.

Now Josh stood where he’d been standing for the past fifteen minutes, trying to gather up the nerve to walk into that room. Sam had gone to the cafeteria as soon as they got to the room claiming that he was hungry but he really just wanted to give the two of them a few minutes alone together. He had thought that Josh would be able to go in and be with Donna. But he couldn’t even make himself walk through the door. He just stood there, waiting for something to kick in that would give him the courage to at least put one foot in front of the other.

"Excuse me, Sir," came a voice from behind Josh, startling him. He turned to see a doctor in a white lab coat and flannel shirt and trousers standing before him. "May I help you?"

"Um...No I was just, ah waiting for..." he stuttered, gesturing with his hands.

"Are you a friend of the patient?" the doctor asked, eyeing him suspiciously. Mr. McGarry and the Secret Service had warned Dr. Flynn that reporters might try to get access to Donna. "If you’re not, I suggest that you leave before I’m forced to call security," he continued sternly.

Josh felt like he had literally swallowed his tongue down the back of his throat. He couldn’t form a coherent response to the doctor’s inquiries. Just as Dr. Flynn made a move towards the phone on the front desk, a man in plain clothes approached the doctor. Josh immediately recognized him as one of the agents who was regularly on the President’s detail. He and the doctor shared a few hushed words, while Josh stood aimlessly outside the door, before the doctor turned and walked back towards Josh.

"So you’re Mr. Lyman," the doctor said, extending his hand towards Josh. "I’m terribly sorry about that but I wasn’t sure what you looked like or when you’d be coming in."

"How did you know I was coming here?" Josh asked confused.

The doctor gave him a small smile as he led him back towards Donna’s door. "Leo McGarry said that we should be expecting you to come and see Donna anytime now, as did Sam Seaborn, CJ Cregg, Toby Zieg..."

"Who are you?" Josh abruptly cut in, stopping the two of them before they could reach Donna’s door.

"Oh I’m sorry," the man chuckled lightly. "I’m Dr. Michael Flynn; I’m Donna’s primary physician. How do you do?"

Josh swallowed and took a minute. "I’m fine," he replied dryly.

The two men continued standing outside the door for a few more minutes, doing nothing. Dr. Flynn was waiting for Josh to make the first move and Josh was too nervous to do anything. Dr. Flynn finally decided to break the monotonous silence.

"Getting kind of late, don’t you think?"

"I’m sorry?"

"I mean, it’s almost 9:30 and Donna’s had a pretty long day. Don’t you think you should go see her before she gets too tired for visitors?"

"Yeah," said Josh, still making no move to enter the room.

Dr. Flynn gave him a long, hard once-over. "There’s nothing to be scared of in there."

"Huh?"

"I mean you don’t need to be afraid of her. She may be sick but she’s still the same Donna you’ve always known her to be."

"But what if later..." Josh trailed off.

"There’s no later in that room, Josh," the doctor said wisely. "There’s just today. That’s all." Josh looked thoughtful as he processed the doctor’s words. "Now go on in and say hello. She’s been waiting for you." With that, the doctor turned and walked back towards what appeared to be his office. Just before he closed the door, he looked back and saw Josh hesitate for moment than walk into the room. The doctor smiled and walked into his office.

Donna’s Room

Donna was lying on her side, her back to the door, when she heard the door open. She assumed that it was either her sister arriving or her doctor checking on her at the late hour, so she untangled herself from the sheets and turned around. However, when she saw Josh standing in the room, she felt a strange surge of relief course through her. He wasn’t completely unconcerned with her and for that she was grateful. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to get over the disappointment of learning he had opted to take a meeting than come and see her, as Sam had testily told her that afternoon when he, Toby, and CJ had come, separately of course, to wish her well. While Donna could certainly understand Josh’s negative emotions involving hospitals, particularly this one, she had nonetheless been crushed when he hadn’t wanted to see her.

"Hi," Donna said quietly

"Hey," responded Josh just as quietly, making no move to come near the bed.

Donna propped herself up on the bed the best she could. "What are you doing here so late?"

"Oh I’m sorry," said Josh nervously. "I shouldn’t have...it’s pretty late, you probably need your rest...I can come..." he fumbled in a way that made Donna think that he didn’t really want to be here with her. That surge of relief that she had felt a few minutes ago was suddenly depleting faster than a popped balloon.

"If you don’t want to be here, Josh, you can leave," she said abruptly, but quietly. "If you have something else more important that needs to be done, you can go."

"Donna, I just..."

"Have a meeting you need to prep for, a luncheon to go to, a cat to rescue out of tree, fine go, Josh. You have too much to do to be here, that’s fine," she said tiredly.

"It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just..." he said making a few cautious steps towards the bed.

"That you have bad memories about this place that make you very uncomfortable to be here. Josh, it’s okay, I understand," she cut in once again.

Josh pursed his lips together and smiled tightly, a sign that meant he struggling for control. Donna, however, was so intent on getting Josh out of the room so he’d be okay that she didn’t notice the telltale signs.

"Donna," Josh began again sitting in one of the chairs by the bed, "What I’m trying to say is..."

"Look, for the last time Josh..." Donna interrupted.

"Can I please just finish one sentence in this conversation?! Would that be at all possible, Donna?" Josh exclaimed, moving forward in his seat. Donna closed her mouth and looked expectedly at Josh, giving him her rapt attention. Josh, on the other hand, found the staring and the silence unnerving coming from Donna.

"What are you doing, Donna?" he asked questioningly.

"I’m giving you my full and undivided attention, Joshua," she responded, gently slipping the two of them back into bantering mode.

"Is it possible for you to that without the staring?"

"No. My mother always said that it’s important to look at a person when you’re having a conversation."

"Alright," Josh sighed with defeat but gave Donna a small smile. She gave it right back to him and Josh saw for the first time how vulnerable she was, how scared. Sam was right; all this really was taking a toll on her. Josh instantly felt the need to protect her, take care of her. He didn’t know it, but it was the exact same feeling that Donna had had when she first saw Josh after his surgery.

"Listen," Josh said, reaching out and taking one of hands in his. "The reason I didn’t come was because I couldn’t stand to see you in..."

"Donna? Are you awake sweetie?" Donna groaned at hearing the familiar voice. Under normal circumstances she loved to hear Nicole’s voice but right now she wanted nothing more than to get up and strangle her sister.

"Donna, are all right?" the voice spoke again, this time revealing its source. Josh turned around and saw a woman whose face he’d seen for years through a picture sitting on Donna’s desk looking at him for the first time. He could already tell that she wasn’t quite as tall as Donna. This woman’s hair was shorter and darker than Donna’s and her eyes were a catlike green compared to Donna’s pale blue. Yet the two women shared the same nose, cheekbones, and full lips. Also, it appeared to Josh, the same endearing yet annoying sense of taking care of everyone else.

"Nic, I’m fine," Donna said exasperated, having already felt the effects of her sister’s over protectiveness over the phone. "Can’t you at least introduce yourself to strangers who are in the room before you start controlling my life for the next fifty years?"

Nic rolled her eyes at her little sister and took off her sunglasses. "I’m Nicole Moss-Braun. I’m Donna’s older sister."

"Joshua Lyman," Josh said extending his hand in greeting.

"I know, pleasure to finally meet you," Nicole answered hurried, shaking his hand and trying to remove her coat at the same time. Once that was accomplished, she proceeded to untie the kerchief that she was wearing, place her briefcase and bag on the other chair near Donna’s bed, and go about adjusting the blankets on the bed.

Donna bristled at her sister’s attention. "Nic, I’m fine would you please sit down."

"Where’s the doctor, I want to talk to him," Nicole said, completely ignoring Donna, going over to her tote bag and rifling through it.

Donna sighed. "He’s in his office."

"Why isn’t he in here? What’s he doing?"

"Performing Satanic animal sacrifices. Do you have any gum?"

"Yes, but you can’t have any."

"Why the hell not?"

"Because A). I don’t know if it’s good for you and B). You’re being a brat right now and as you very well know, brats don’t get any gum."

"The level of immaturity that you repeatedly sink to continues to surprise even me you sad, pathetic, little woman."

"I know you are but what am I?"

"Nicolette Morgaine."

"Donnatella Igraine."

Josh watched this light, sarcastic exchange between the two sisters and wondered if they even remembered that he was in the room. It was like they were on their own wave link and Josh felt that if he spoke up, he’d be intruding on it. He was saved from this however when Sam walked into the room.

"Alright you made it in here," Sam said cheerfully, giving Josh a smile. Donna and Nicole looked up, surprised, almost as if they realized for the first time that Josh had been in the room the whole time.

"Yeah, I did," giving Donna an apologetic look as he answered. Donna smiled at him so he assumed that he’d been forgiving for whatever they’d been semi-arguing about before Nicole came in. "Actually, I was getting ready to leave. Let Donna and her sister have some time alone together."

Sam looked to the woman standing opposite of him. "Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that Donna had any family coming in this late."

"I caught the first flight out that I could."

"Yes, of course. Sam Seaborn, how do you do?"

"Nicole Moss-Braun and I’d be doing a lot better if my sister didn’t have a life threatening illness at the moment."

"Yeah we all would," Sam answered hesitantly, taken aback by Nicole’s straightforward way of talking. "Listen Josh why don’t we get going. I’m sure these two ladies have some talking to do." He walked over to Donna and leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek. "We’ll be by sometime tomorrow if we can escape from the office. But if not we’ll call you at least twenty times each."

"Oh I’m looking forward to it already," Donna replied with a smile.

"Good to know," Sam said. He turned to Nicole. "It was very nice meeting you; I just wish the circumstances could have been better."

"Likewise," she answered, shaking the hand that he held out to her.

Sam walked to the door and waited for Josh to follow him. Josh was still standing near Donna’s bed, reluctant to leave her now even though he knew that she wanted some time alone with her sister. He picked up her hand and gave it a squeeze. He didn’t say a word to her, just smiled softly at her before setting her hand down and walking to the door, acknowledging Nicole with a nod towards her. He and Sam than walked out of the room and back into the real world that Donna so desperately wanted to be a part of once again.

"Well," Nicole said, going to sit down on the side of Donna’s bed, "they seem really nice."

"Yeah," answered Donna, still thinking of the simple smile that Josh gave her. It might not have seemed like a big deal to Nicole or Sam but Donna recognized that smile that Josh gave her as one that he gave the people he loved when he wanted to reassure them that everything was alright. She’d seem him give it to his mother countless times during his recovery. And now he gave it her, during a time when she’d need his assurances that he was all right.

"Donna," she heard Nicole say to her. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I’m fine."

"You looked kinda like you’d gone to visit Never-Never Land for a second."

"I’m okay," Donna said, squeezing Nicole’s hand, trying to ease the troubled look that her sister had in her eyes. "So have you heard from T.J. at all?"

"Yeah I did," Nicole answered, getting up and going over to her briefcase. She pulled out a think, black leather appointment book where Donna knew she kept all the details of her perfectly scheduled life and other important info in. "His flight should be getting in at around 7:55 tomorrow morning, if he doesn’t run into any bad weather from now until then. I’ll call him on his cell later and tell him to take a cab here as soon as he lands."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Donna suddenly said. "I’ve been trying to get in touch with Lily since I got here but she’s not at home and her office says she’s on vacation. Can you try to get a hold of her? You know, just tell her what’s going on?"

"Sure," Nicole sighed over dramatically. "I will do this for you and I will tell you why."

"Nic," Donna groaned good-naturedly.

 "For you are my sister," Nicole continued, undaunted. "You are ill and I wish only to make you happy and comfortable during this difficult time. And even if this means conversing with the Bride of Satan herself, I shall do it without question or complaint."

"You know, you’ve been my sister for twenty-eight years, she’s been my best friend for twenty-two years, and not once during this entire time have the two of you ever had a pleasant conversation," Donna said with a smile.

"That’s because," Nicole began, smiling back, "Ms. Lillian Amelia Irving of Stratford, England is an unbelievable pain in the ass and I..."

"Am an even greater pain in the ass," Donna finished giggling with her sister like they used to when they were girls.

"Whatever you say, your Highness," Nicole said, in a dreadful English accent.

Donna nodded. "So where you guys staying at? If you want, I’ll use my puppy dogface on Josh, he can probably get you guys a couple of rooms at the Waldrof."

"We’re not staying at a hotel, we’re staying right here," Nicole said, looking surprised that Donna even thought they wouldn’t be staying near her at all times. "They have private rooms for families of patients. I already brought most of my stuff up there."

"Oh now isn’t that going to fun," Donna said, sarcasm dripping from her voice like rain from a tree leaf. "Are you and T.J. going to take turns keeping me locked up or are you going to be tag teaming me to an early grave?"

Donna realized at once what a poor choice of words she had made when Nicole flinched as if someone had slapped her across the face. "Please don’t say anything like that," Nicole said seriously. She sat down on the bed again besides Donna and grasped Donna’s hand in hers. "Something is really wrong with you and you might not be okay. So please forgive me if I’m going to be a little over anxious and protective of you for the next few weeks. You’re the only sister I have and I’m not losing you, got it?"

"Got it," Donna answered sincerely. The two sisters remained quiet like that for a few more minutes before Nicole spoke.

"I want to fly her out here." 

"Who?"

Nicole gave her a pointed look. "You know who I mean, Donnatella," she said quietly.

"Absolutely not. Not under any circumstances," Donna said shaking her head emphatically.

"But what if she’s a match and..."

"I said no," Donna cut her off forcefully. "She’s not coming here. You don’t call Mena and tell her. And if Mena calls and asks, you don’t tell her then either."

Nicole looked at her incredulously. "You want me to lie to Mena? You actually want me to lie..."

"No," interrupted Donna, "I don’t want you to lie to Mena; I need you to lie to her." Donna paused. "I don’t want her to see me like this," she said softly. "She doesn’t deserve that. Or maybe I’m selfish, you know just worried it’ll hurt me too much," Donna said choking up a little from emotion. "Either way, no matter what, she doesn’t come to DC," Donna stared her older sister down. "Got it?"

Nicole closed her eyes and shook her head. "Got it," she answered detachedly.

Josh’s Office: One Week Later

Josh was huddled over his desk late that night, going over what he thought to be a thoroughly unimportant briefing memo about landfills in Midwestern areas. The only reason that he was here this late was because he had taken the afternoon off to go with CJ to visit with Donna. She no longer felt the uneasiness about being hospitalized that she had had when she was first admitted but Josh went to see her more for his own peace of mind than hers. It eased him to see that she still was okay, still in high spirits and that she didn’t appear to be getting any worse. Dr. Flynn had been administering a daily regimen of packed red blood cell transfusions for Donna. It wouldn’t eliminate the need for her to get a bone marrow transplant but it would give the doctors more time to find her a suitable match. Both her sister and her brother, whom had arrived two days ago after being held up by a nasty storm but who Josh had still yet to meet, had not been matches. Numerous members of the White House staff, including Josh, CJ, and Sam, had also been tested but had also not been matches. Dr. Flynn was now conducting a search through the national registry to see if he could find a match for Donna but so far the search had been fruitless. He had assured Josh and the others many times that it would take some time for them to find a donor if someone in her immediate family was not a match but they all also knew that it was time that Donna did not have. 

"I thought I’d find you here," proclaimed a voice from the doorway. Josh looked up to find Leo leaning against the doorjamb, dressed in the same clothes that he’d been in yesterday only slightly more rumpled than he usually looked. Josh thought it might have had something to do with the combination of overseeing a re-election campaign, trying to pass an important education reform bill through Congress, and worrying himself to death about one of his staff members. Josh knew, like few did, that underneath Leo’s gruff exterior there was a compassionate man who took it upon himself to take care of every member of his staff that he could.

"Yeah, I was just reviewing a memo on...something that seems to be important to someone," he trailed off with a slight smile.

Leo nodded, moving to sit in the visitor chair. "So how you been holding up?" he asked.

"I’m good," Josh said automatically, gratefully putting the memo aside.

"Good," Leo replied. While Leo did feel for Josh and what he was going through, there was still a country to run and an election to win. "Do you have the Southeastern polling samples I asked Joey to pull?"

"Uh, yeah somewhere," Josh answered, rifling around the disaster area that was his desk. Folders and papers were strewn every which way, fast food containers littered the legs of the desk, and magazines peaked out from every corner. While Josh continued searching for the missing numbers, Leo spied a folder that bore the symbol of the AMA on it. Curious, he opened it and looked through it. Inside was a plethora of information about aplastic anemia: Causes, symptoms, age groups, treatment programs, doctors who specialized in the field of hematology; everything anyone could ever want to know about this disease was in Leo’s hands.

"Been doing a little extra credit work, have we?" Leo asked, holding up the folder.

Josh looked up and saw Leo with the folder in his hand. He felt embarrassed for a second, like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar. But then he remembered why he had had the information pulled in the first place and he felt for annoyed at Leo for, what it seemed to Josh, prying.

"I’m researching the disease a little," Josh said evenly. "To see if there’s something in there her doctor may have missed."

"Oh, something he may have missed," Leo scoffed. "Tell me Josh, can you remind me what I sent you for a gift upon learning that not only had you gotten a law degree from Harvard, but that you had also received your medical degree from Boston University?"

"Leo, what is the harm in trying to do something more?" Josh asked exasperated.

"Nothing," answered Leo. "As long as there’s more to actually do. Donna has one the best doctors in the world treating her; the President made sure of that. If Dr. Flynn says that they’re doing all they can for her right now, I’m gonna chose to believe him because he knows more about this than I’ll ever know."

Josh leaned his head back against his chair and sighed. "There’s got to be something I can do to help her."

"You already are. You’re there for her now when she really needs you."

"But what if that’s not enough?"

"Sometimes it has to be." When Josh didn’t answer, Leo decided that now was the time to venture into territory he had previously promised himself he would never go into.

"How’s Amy, Josh?" he asked carefully.

"Hmm?"

"Amy," Leo repeated. "How are things with you two?"

"Oh, things are...fine I guess," said Josh noncommittally. "To tell you the truth, I haven’t really talked to her since that fundraiser after the convention."

"You mean since you found out Donna was sick?"

"Well," said Josh, thinking back, "Yeah, I guess so." He looked thoughtfully at Leo. "I’ll call her tonight after I call Dr. Flynn."

"She’s your girlfriend, Josh," said Leo, deciding to play a little devil’s advocate. "Don’t you think that she takes priority over calling your assistant’s doctor?"

"Well I don’t mean it like that Leo, I just meant that..."

"That you’re more concerned about Donna than you are about Amy, a woman for whom you claim to have feelings..."

"What do you mean ‘claim’," a confused Josh cut in.

"Yet who you haven’t even spoken to in almost five days," Leo plowed ahead, hoping that some of what he was saying was getting through.

"Well I don’t think that it’s really any of you business, Leo but I do have feelings for Amy," Josh said irritated. He paused and swallowed.  "I do have feelings for Amy," Josh said again, more for himself than for Leo before going back to look for the folder Leo had originally come for.

Leo looked at him. "The same feelings that you have for Donna?"

That comment threw Josh off. He had really tried not to think about the situation with Amy, it was taking a lot out of him just to be worrying about Donna. If he was honest with himself, he had to admit that he hadn’t thought thoroughly about anything since Donna got sick. It was like his mind suddenly had tunnel vision and she was the only thing that his mind was capable of focusing on. It had never been like that with him before, for anyone. Even when his father was sick, he was able to distract himself for a little while each day. And that had been an even more stressful time professionally because he was getting a complete unknown elected President. Now that the President’s numbers were looking good again, some of the pressure was off. But even with that going for him, with Donna, the thought that something could happen to her consumed him. He’d been a mess since he first heard Toby tell him that she was sick but he had been putting on a pretty good front. At least he thought he had been. But now, with the way Leo was looking at him and the thoughts that were running through his head, Josh was sure that he had been deluding himself for a while now, about more things than one.

"What do I do, Leo?" Josh asked quietly. "What am I supposed to do?"

"About what, Josh?" Leo responded, knowing that Josh needed to come to this realization on his own without his help.

"About everything. About Donna, about Amy, about me feeling this way. What do I do?" he asked again, his eyes pleading with his mentor for guidance, like a child who just found out how cruel this world really is.

Leo swallowed the small lump in his throat that came with seeing Josh in this much distress. He really did love Josh like he was his own son. "I can’t tell you that, Josh. You’ve got to figure this one out on your own, kid." He got up out of his seat and turned to leave, reaching the doorway before Josh called out to him.

"Leo?"

He turned around. "Yeah?"

Josh gave him a small, half smile. "It’s her isn’t?" He chuckled humorlessly. "It’s been her this whole time, right in front of me, and I never even knew it." Josh sighed. "I guess I shouldn’t say I didn’t know it, I just chose not to acknowledge it."

Leo nodded slowly. "Yeah," he said quietly. "So now that you do chose to acknowledge, the question is, what are you gonna do about it?" he asked before leaving the room and leaving Josh alone with his thoughts. 

Donna’s Room – Two Hours Later

"I don’t understand why you’re doing this, Donna," Nicole said, pacing back and forth through the sizable, private room that Donna occupied. Colorful arrays of flowers and "Get Well" cards littered every inch of table space that could be found and balloon arrangements and small stuffed animals occupied the rest of the room.

Donna sighed, looking up from the magazine that she was pretending to leaf through. "Yes you do, Nic," she said, tiredly. "You just don’t agree with it."

Nicole started nodding emphatically at her. "Yes, I don’t agree with it," Nicole repeated, grateful that she finally appeared to be making some headway. "She could be a match; she could save your life! And all you have to do is pick up the goddamn phone and call Mena! But will you do that, no. No, because Donnatella Moss is always right about everything and the rest of us should just shut up and go along with whatever she wishes!"

"It’s more complicated than that and you know it. Look, we’ve been arguing about this for the past three days and neither of us has gotten anywhere. Obviously, we’re not going to get anywhere tonight. Now will you please let this go and keep your voice down?" Donna asked covering her eyes with her hands.

Nicole stopped pacing and turned to look at their brother, who was sitting passively in a chair near Donna. "Well, T.J.?" she asked icily. "Care to offer any opinions at all on this matter?"

Tomasso Arthur Moss Jr. had been sitting in the more comfortable guest chair, which the hospital had moved into the room when they saw how many guests that Donna was receiving, for the past half hour, not saying anything, just trying to stay out of his sisters’ way like always. He looked like their mother, sounded like their father, and was a mixture of both his sisters’ personalities. He lived closer to Nicole and saw her more often but if he had to say, he was closer with Donna than he was with anyone in the family. T.J. loved both of his sisters more than anything but there was this bond between him and Donna that had existed since childhood that nothing had ever been able to sever. He understood her better than anyone else in the world and vice versa. Which was why this was a conversation he didn’t want to be involved in.

"Bella," he said, turning to Donna and using the family’s lifelong nickname for her. "I understand why you don’t want to call Mena, I really do. And in most cases, I’d respect your decision not to involve her. But..."

"Oh my God, not you too," Donna broke in, leaning her head back against the pillows.

"Yes, me too," T.J. said. "I agree with Nicole, we gotta call her."

"Well, I think it’s wonderful that you two agree on this," Donna responded sarcastically. "Really, I’m happy for you two, I hope this brings you even closer together. Fortunately for me, your agreement on the matter doesn’t factor into this decision in any way. It’s my choice what to do and I chose not call Mena."

"Donna, would you just listen to us for one minute?" T.J. asked, getting annoyed and running his hands through his short, brown hair. "We know why you don’t want her involved and we understand that position, we really do. We’ve always understood your decisions regarding this. And we’ve always covered for you when you needed to lie about it." Donna opened her mouth to cut in but T.J. put up his hand to silence her. Nicole came over to the bed. She took one Donna’s hands and one of T.J’s hands and put them in her own. Her brother and sister followed suit and Nicole took over for T.J.

"We’re not talking about a wedding or a funeral that you need us to make up so you can leave DC without anyone getting suspicious," she said quietly. "We’re talking about your life. And unless we find you a bone marrow match soon you’ll..." Nicole trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. The three siblings remained quiet, just sitting there, all holding hands in the semi-darkness like they used when they were children. Then, they were huddled under piles of blankets and singing old standards during thunderstorms that rattled the house. Here, the storms were not visible but metaphorical. However, they were still just as scary and just as powerful.

"I can’t," Donna sniffed finally, wiping at the tears slowly falling down her cheeks. "I understand all your reasons and believe me, they are valid reasons. I even agree with some of them, to tell you the truth." She shook her head. "I just can’t do it." She looked each of them square in the eye separately. "Promise me that you won’t either."

"Bella..." T.J. started.

"I could die," Donna said brusquely. Both T.J. and Nicole’s faces paled at hearing Donna utter those three fearful words. "I could be dead in few more weeks," she continued in a gentler tone. "This could be the last thing I ever ask of either you. Please honor it."

Before Nicole or T.J. could answer her, there was a knock on the door. A second later, Josh’s head appeared in the doorway. He had decided to come on a lark, after he talked with Leo, and left the office before he had a chance to second-guess himself. Glancing around at the faces in the room, Josh could tell that he had just interrupted something.

"I’m sorry," he said apologetically. "I didn’t realize that you were all here this late. I can come back in the morning," he said, heading back towards the hallway.

"No," said Donna. "That’s okay, we were done. Nicole and T.J. were just leaving." She looked at both of them again. "Right?"

Nicole rubbed at her forehead. "Yeah," she said quietly, dejectedly.

"Uh, I’m sorry. Who exactly are you?" T.J. asked curiously, looking at Josh.

"Oh, Josh Lyman. You must be T.J., nice to finally meet you," Josh said, shaking T.J.’s hand.

"Same here," he answered, returning Josh’s handshake. There was an awkward silence for a moment before T.J. broke it. "I, uh, didn’t know what you looked like so..."

"My little brother here spends much of his time in the vast wildernesses of the world, so he’s not always up to speed on the current events in his sisters’ lives," Donna said lightly.

T.J. gave her a forced smile.  "I’m a freelance, wildlife photographer. I spend about as much time at a desk as you spend outdoors, from what Donna tells me," he teased Josh.

Josh laughed at this. "I’d disagree with you but I fear that my skin tones would give me away."

Donna smiled at him. "So what’s up?" she asked.

"Um, I just..." Josh started, unsure of what to do now that he was here, and getting unnerved by the fact that it appeared he’d have to do this in front of an audience. "I, uh, wanted to, ah um, talk to you about..."

"You know, it’s kinda late," said Nicole, sensing that Josh wanted to talk to Donna about something private. "I think I’m gonna head upstairs and try to sleep for a couple hours." She gathered the trash that she had accumulated through the dinner that the three of them had shared. She threw it in the wastebasket and came back to her sister to kiss her goodnight. "Night, sweetie. Don’t stay up too late, you’ve have treatment at seven tomorrow."

Donna rolled her eyes at her. "Yes, mom," she said. Before Nicole could leave, Donna pulled her down for a hug. While in that position, Donna quietly repeated to her, "Please honor it."

Nicole swallowed back her tears before whispering back, "I really hope you know what you’re doing, Bella." She turned to the men. "Come on, squirt, let’s go," she said to T.J.

"Actually, I’m not that tired I think I’ll hang around," said T.J., going back over to sit in the chair. While he was one of the most sensitive guys a girl could meet, good with romance he was not. Though given both his sisters’ penchant for selecting Neanderthalic, uncaring idiots, [and in Nicole’s case, actually marrying and divorcing one], a person could argue that this trait was actually genetic.

Nicole bit back her lip to quench the laugh that threatened to escape. "T.J.," she said again more forcefully, using the voice she used to use with him when they were kids and he refused to leave the comic book store when told. "Let’s go," Nicole repeated, throwing in a glare for good measure. T.J. got the message that time and went over to say good-bye to Donna. He nodded a good-bye to Josh and met his sister in the doorway. As they were leaving she said under her breath, "And you wonder why you can never get a second date."

Once they were alone, Josh turned to look at Donna. She was still unfailingly beautiful in Josh’s opinion. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a slick ponytail with one of those puffy elastic things, though her hair had never needed a fancy style or attachment to make him love it and her blue eyes, though tired and red from worry, could still shine brighter to him than a thousand light bulbs. The flimsy hospital gown had been replaced by a sturdy, flannel pajama set from CJ, who was much better with women’s sizes than she was with men’s. While to the average person, Donna might look completely healthy, sans the numerous IVs, Josh noticed subtle changes in her. The alabaster skin that she was so proud of seemed a shade paler than normal and she had neither the desire nor the ability to put on the light amount of makeup that she usually wore. Her voice was still gravely, even after five days, and she was not always up to conversation when he visited her. This caused him no small amount of distress, because Josh was actually beginning to see signs of the illness that was slowly taken over her. All of his emotions washed over him then and he made a decision at that moment that would change his life.

"Josh?" he heard her ask him. "Josh, are you okay? I’ve been talking to you for a few minutes now and you haven’t said a word."

He ignored her and went to sit down on the side of her bed. Donna’s questioning gaze didn’t discourage him. Josh simply took her face in his hands and laid a gentle kiss on her lips. When he pulled back, his face only inches from her, he looked deep into her eyes and said the words he had just realized he’d always wanted to say to her.

"I love you."

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

| << back | send feedback | The National Library |