The National Library - A West Wing Fanfiction Archive

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Generic Comfort

by: Ginny

Category: Post-ep to Bartlet For America
Pairing: Josh/Donna
Characters: Josh and Donna
Rating: YTEEN

I feel like the guy that fell in the hole, again.

Although this time is different, no matter who I talked to or who I tried to find I was just stuck, with no way out. I was yelling and there was no one around to hear me.

I tried to stop Gibson. I tried every trick I knew but came up empty handed.

I was powerless to help him, unable to return the favor, unable to do a damn thing.

I've been trying for hours to figure out just what the hell happened today. One minute I'm preparing to cover my eyes as Leo was about to be destroyed on national television and the next minute I'm dancing around the bullpen with a very shocked Donna. I think she was shocked about Leo and the fact that I was dancing with her. Things have been pretty good between us lately but still not quite back to normal.

I asked a lot of her today. She needed to try and get things done with very little information. I basically sent her on a wild goose chase, without telling her why I needed a goose. As usual she took it all in stride, standing by me, helping me, just being with me.

She was perfecting the art of generic comfort. And art she is called to use way too often with me. She has this way about her; she can comfort me without a word, without having any idea what's wrong. It's pretty amazing really.

In between the time she was on the Hill and the dozens of phone calls she made trying to get Gibson out of the room she would come in my office and check on me. Sometimes she never even said anything, just poked her head in and smiled. She understood I couldn't talk about what I was trying to do and she accepted the fact.

At one point I was sitting in my chair with my feet up, eyes glued to the television. Donna came in silently and, might I add, with a great deal of stealth. She somehow walked in between the television and me without my noticing and ended up behind me, leaning against the windowsill. We watched in silence for a while. I could feel myself shudder every time the face of a certain Republican lawyer appeared on screen. Donna noticed it too, I'm sure. But she didn't say anything.

During a particularly grueling line of questioning I must have sighed or something because I heard Donna push herself off of the windowsill and move to stand directly behind me. I could tell she was about to say something so I put up my hand to silence her, not wanting to miss one word of the witch-hunt.

With a sigh and probably a bit of hesitation she put her hands on my shoulders. I unconsciously flinched. She hasn't touched me much lately and let's face it, we are two very physical people. That's probably been the thing that has been the most off about us lately.

But since Cliff things have changed and I suppose if I am going to be honest with myself I have to say things have changed since I was attacked by the water balloon. Things have just been...confusing.

Anyway, she ignored my flinch and for that I was grateful. I glanced at the door, taking notice she had closed it when she came in the room. I took a deep breath and tried to relax. Her thumbs went to that spot at the back of my right shoulder where a permanent knot seems to reside lately. With practiced fingers she loosened it up as we watched the round of questions come to an end. I picked the remote up and muted the television, sending the room into silence. Even the bullpen was quiet today. Everyone must have been watching.

It was then that I realized how worked up I was. The sound of my breathing was harsh against the quiet of the room. Donna's hands had made their way from my shoulder to the curls at the back of my neck, making me realize I really need to get a haircut.

My mind was screaming for me to move, get up and away from Donna, things were getting...well, the room was getting a little warm, let's leave it at that.

But then I realized something. As intimate as the moment was, that's not what it was about. It was about us, we were just acting like Josh and Donna. It was like things were getting back to normal, whatever normal is for us.

As her fingers moved through my hair to wind up at my temples I leaned back a little and looked Donna in the eye. She gave me a familiar sad smile. One I've seen way too much over the past year and a half. I returned the smile, trying hard to show my dimples. But I don't think I quite managed it.

She started to say something but bit back the words as I pleaded with my eyes and shook my head ever so slightly. The moment was so....I don't even know how to describe what I was feeling at the time. Words just weren't needed.

It was only another 15 or so minutes before the questioning resumed but in that time I felt more emotions that I have felt in a long time. Emotions so opposed to each other went through my body. Confusion and clarity. Fear and security. Happiness and the desire to cry. The wish to run and the inability to actually move. But most overwhelming was the feeling of being loved.

Like the quilt that covered my bed when I was a kid, Donna's touch made me feel safe, warm and loved.

If that's not sappy I don't know what is. But sue me, that's how I felt.

I was struck by the realization that I didn't know if I was quite ready to risk what I have with Donna by trying to take things a step further. I love what we have. It works for us.

As the next round of questions was about to start Donna knelt down next to me and tipped my chin to look me in the eye. The tears I saw in her eyes mirrored my own. She kissed my cheek and went back to her desk to try and track down a name for me.

Half an hour later it was over and we were dancing in the bullpen.

After I sent Donna home I wandered over to talk to Leo. I poked my head into his office to find him sound asleep on the couch, a small picture frame clutched to his chest. I smiled as I gently took it out of his hands and put it on the table. I had heard the story of how Leo showed up in Concord with some note on a napkin but I had never actually seen it.

I grabbed the blanket out of Leo's closet; covered him up and kissed his forehead before I headed out.

So I am now at home on my couch, thinking about drowning my sorrows in the bottle of beer I have hidden in the back of the fridge. Considering I haven't eaten much of anything today, one beer is probably all it would take.

Yeah, yeah, sensitive system.

But getting a beer would involve, you know, moving and getting off the couch. I'm pretty comfortable right where I am. It's been about an hour since I stumbled in the door. Guess it's a little after midnight. Not too sure, my crappy watch is in the bedroom and I can't see the clock on the VCR.

So I'll just curl up under my old worn quilt, watch CNN and think sappy thoughts.

THE END

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