The National Library - A West Wing Fanfiction Archive

You Can’t Fix Everything

by: Ginny

Category: Post-ep to Posse Comitatus
Pairing: Josh/Donna
Characters: Josh and Donna
Rating: YTEEN

I can feel the blood drain from my face as I take the phone from Amy. She leaves the room under the pretense of giving me some privacy as I listen to Sam explain what happened. But in reality she doesn't want to deal with the emotionally fragile part of me. She's made that quite clear over the past few weeks when I've tried a few times to talk about Rosslyn. She thinks I should be over it by now and usually changes the subject.

As I hang up the phone I sink down onto the couch and try to catch my breath. Sam said they would be returning to the White House within a few hours. He offered to call Donna for me and tell her but after some discussion I agreed to have Toby call her after he called Ginger. He's pretty good at breaking bad news to her. And I'm, well, not so good at it and would probably fall apart doing it. That's not to say that I'm not going to fall apart when I do see her. I just need to keep myself together and get out of here in one piece.

"Amy?" I call as I grab my shoes from under the coffee table and slip them on.

"You off the phone J?" she asks as she comes out from the bedroom in her bathrobe.

"Yeah, I gotta head back to the office." I mumble as I throw my bag over my shoulder.

"I could go with you if you want. It's no problem." she asks in a tone that I've come to recognize as completely insincere.

"No, it's ok. I'm going to meet...." I stop talking as my cell phone starts ringing. I glance at the read out, it's Donna's cell. I want to answer it but decide to let it go to voice mail as I make my exit.

"Fine, call me tomorrow. We can finish our discussion." she says in a voice void of any emotion.

"Amy, that was a fight, not a discussion."

"I know J. Just go, go meet..." she stops herself from finishing that sentence with an exaggerated sigh. I had no time to get sucked into another argument so I just leave without a word and without looking back.

I pick up Donna's message as I get into my car. From the way she says my name I can tell she's already talked to Toby. She's trying to hold herself together so she can focus on holding me together. I wish she wouldn't do that. She tells me to meet her at our place and she assures me she will drive there and sit in the car until I get there.

Ten minutes later I park behind Donna's car. She gets out and wordlessly takes my arm as we cross the street to go sit in the shadow of Abe Lincoln. She's brought coffee with her; a huge cup for us to share. We settle down about halfway up the stairs. She hands me the coffee and I take a huge gulp, burning my tongue in the process. I laugh bitterly while she just shakes her head at me.

"You ok?" she asks as she pats my back for a second.

"Just great." I mutter.

"Josh." she says softly in the tone I've come to easily recognize. The one that says, you need to talk about what's bothering you and I'm really not in the mood to drag it out of you.

"It's my fault." I whisper. "I arranged for protection for CJ and look what happened."

"Josh, what happened had nothing to do with Simon protecting CJ. He was caught in an armed robbery."

"Because he was in New York with CJ."

"Josh." she sighs.

It's pretty clear she's not going to let me wallow in...whatever I'm about to wallow in.

"He was doing his job. CJ would have gotten protection whether you arranged for it or not. You know that."

"Yeah but that's not going to make it any easier when I have to face her."

"And you're going to have to do that in a few hours." she says grabbing my hand to look at my watch, which is probably wrong anyway. "Want me to go with you when you see her?"

"No, but you can wait for me." I say quietly.

"Always, Joshua." she says as she gives my hand a squeeze.

I sigh and put my head in my hands trying to think of what the hell I am going to say to CJ when I do see her. There are no words to say to make things better; nothing I can say will change things. There is no way I can fix this.

Looking up to stare at the Washington Monument I think of that warm May evening two years ago when I almost died. I think of a year ago when we lost a good friend. I think about how I look forward to tearing off the month of May off my desk calendar.

As my view of the Washington Monument starts to blur I feel Donna reach into my back pocket and pull out my handkerchief. She hands it to me and rubs my back.

"I can't fix this." I sigh.

"I know you can't, nobody can."

"But it's what I do." I say, my voice edging towards the whining stage.

"Josh, you fix the things you can fix, you fight the fights you can win, you fight the fights that need winning. And all the other stuff you just get through one way or another."

"I just feel like I haven't fixed anything in a long time."

"What about the diary fiasco?" she asks as she nudges me until I look at her. She smiles warmly and squeezes my hand.

"Yeah, I guess I did fix that." I say with half a smirk.

"And the vote tonight? Fixed."

"Yeah but at what price?" I mutter, half hoping she didn't hear me because I'm really not in the mood to talk about Amy right now.

Thankfully Donna either didn't hear me or has wisely chosen to ignore my comment.

"Josh, you're only human. You need to be reminded of that fact once in a while." she says as she pats me on the shoulder before standing up. "Let's head back to work. I'm sure you could use some Advil and something to eat before things get frantic."

I nod and reach out my hand so she can pull me to my feet. We drive back to the White House in our respective cars. She runs off to take care of a few things and hunt down something to eat while I kick off my shoes and stretch out on the couch. Ten minutes later she returns with Advil, Yoo Hoo and a bagel.

"Sam just called, at least another 2 hours until they get back." I say as I sit up so she can have some room on the couch.

"Good, then eat this and try to get a little rest. You look like crap." she says with a grin.

I manage to choke down about half the bagel and finish the Yoo Hoo. Donna scoots off the couch and motions for me to lie down. I settle down and she rubs my back for a few minutes. I'm vaguely aware of her kissing my cheek and turning out the light.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up from a nightmare shaky and disoriented. Donna's nowhere to be seen and the room is completely dark. I struggle to my feet and out into the bullpen. I nearly trip over my shoes, alerting Donna to the fact that I'm awake.

"Josh, you ok?" she asks as she looks up at me.

I shake my head weakly and lean against the doorjamb.

"Nightmare?"

I can only nod my head as Donna gets up and crosses over to me. She brushes back the hair that's plastered to my forehead before she gives me a quick hug.

"They should be back soon. Why don't you go splash some water on your face and pull yourself together."

"OK."

Forty minutes later I'm sitting on Donna's desk, stalling. It's the middle of the night and everyone returned from New York a little while ago.

"Josh....Josh, you listening?" I'm suddenly aware of Donna standing in front of me, tapping me on the knee.

"What?" I mutter trying to figure out how long I've been in a daze.

"CJ's asking for you."

I sigh deeply and run my hands through my hair nervously.

Donna smoothes my hair down and kisses my forehead. "Go." she says quietly as she pulls me to my feet.

I hug her for a second before heading over to CJ's office. Donna walks with me as far as the end of the hallway, her hand resting on the small of my back. She gives me a gentle push as I turn the corner.

I look back over my shoulder and smile. Donna's watching me walk away as I usually watch her.

I know I can't fix what happened tonight but maybe, just maybe I can start to fix what's gone wrong between Donna and I over the past 6 months.

THE END

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