Aita i papu ia'u

by: Ginny

Category: Post-ep to The Two Bartlets
Pairing: Josh/Donna
Characters: Josh and Donna
Rating: YTEEN

OK, so my apartment looks pretty good. Don't think I went too overboard with the Tahitian decorations. Or should I say, I don't think Donna went too overboard with the decorations. I didn't exactly have time to run to the party store this afternoon.

What?

Donna took it upon herself to do it. Which was strange. And were my ears working earlier? Did she say she is dating a lawyer? As in the present tense? I let that one slide, for now. I just didn't have the time to get in to that conversation.

Of course the real reason behind that would be I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I'm not sure how I feel about a lot of things at the moment. There are a lot of things I don't really understand.

Like why did I invite Amy to go away in the first place? To prove something to her? And if so, what was I trying to prove? That I'm not hit and run? That I can make a commitment? That I'm a better man than Tandy? That my motives are purely, well, pure?

I don't know that they are. I don't know much at the moment.

I know I like Amy.

I know that I wanted to go away with her.

Then why the hell did I cancel my plans to take a meeting that Leo told me to ditch?

To prove something to myself? To prove that my job comes first? Like I really need proof of that?

In fact there's only one time I can recall recently when I didn't put my job first.

When Donna needed help with the diary mess. I didn't even consider myself. I only thought about her.

Why don't I feel the same way about Amy?

I think I was looking for an excuse to get me out of the hasty decision I had made.

Seeing Amy give that speech just...I don't know. She was amazing and the trip idea just popped into my head.

It was one of those times I talked without thinking first. Yeah, I know, those times occur way too often, just ask Donna.

I'm not sure what to make of her today. I understand the whole jury duty thing but there really wasn't anything I could do about that. After I canceled the trip she came in my office and plopped down in my visitor's chair with her feet on the desk.

She looked at me strangely for a moment. Nothing new about that. I made some lame joke about not having time to give her a foot massage right then, I had work to do.

She stared at me until I cracked and told her about canceling the trip. For some strange reason I didn't tell her that it was my decision. I just let her believe it was Leo's doing.

Unfortunately, as usually happens in situations like that, she found out the truth. I'm still not sure who squealed but it doesn't really matter.

She stormed into my office, scuffing up the pair of wingtips my mother sent me when she threw the door open.

Yeah, I was behind the door, trying to take ten minutes to relax and make some sense out of my life.

I know, ten minutes is not enough. But anyway.

Donna chewed me out for canceling on Amy when I didn't have to. She made some comments about "guys like me". I think she's been talking to Amy.

I tried to explain but she told me not to talk to her. And that creeped me out to the point that I just nodded and flopped into my chair.

And hour and a half later Donna came back into my office with a bag of stuff from the party store and a few bottles of rum.

And for a fleeting moment I considered just taking the bags and Donna back to my place. Just out of curiosity.

Yeah, maybe if I keep repeating that to myself I may believe it one day.

But then Donna told me she was calling Amy to tell her to meet me at my place at 9.

Which is 10 minutes from now.

Quick check of the apartment. The cleaning lady came today so it is in order. I picked up coffee on the way home.

The pajamas I had on this morning are on the hook on the back of the bathroom door. For some reason I just couldn't toss them in the hamper after I took a shower this morning. So there they hang, just waiting for Amy to make fun of them.

I know, pretty immature, but I can't help it.
I think immature is a good word to describe how I've handled this whole Amy thing. But in all fairness, she's been pretty immature too.

So maybe we are made for each other. I can pull her pigtails and she can smack me upside the head to get my attention.

But believe it or not, even with missing a few classes along the way, I have learned a few things about relationships in the last 40 years. I know you can't build them on immaturity and scheming. I know there has to be a willingness compromise and mutual respect for each other. Lines of communication have to be open and...well, many more things that I can't quite think of at the moment.

I probably should have waited for Amy to get here before I broke open the rum.

Other than the respect part, I don't think Amy and I have any of those things going for us. Maybe it's something we can change.

But I have to want to change.

And right now, as Amy is knocking on the door, I'm not sure I want to change.

A disturbing thought occurs to me as I reach for the doorknob.

The only thing I am sure of at the moment is that I don't understand what the hell I am about to do.

And that's terrifying.

THE END


| Wired and Sappy | Tired and Whiny | Backwards and Baffling | Tied |
| Thoughts and Decisions | Instant Hope | Images of Home |
| Water Balloons and the Big Question | Generic Comfort | To Be Twelve Again | | Just Us..Nothing More, Nothing Less | Aita i papu ia'u | At Least It Wasn't Hawaii |
| The Road to Normalcy |

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