Odyssey of Minds, pt 5: Donna POV

by: Ellen
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna
Category(s): Humour/Fluff/ Angst
Rating: YTEEN
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al
Summary: Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.
Spoiler: Freedonia
Written: 2/22/05

Alienation and nothingness - Donna's POV

A Chicken. He sends a chicken. We're trying to win a campaign and he ... he sends a chicken! Of all the lame assed, stupid, idiotic ... absolutely brilliant things to do. There was no way they could afford airtime, so he fixed it that they got in the news for free. Yeah, I'm 100% sure that he came up with it. No one else would come up with the scheme to put two grown men in chicken suits and send them over to the opposing candidates. It's something so far out there that only his warped political mind could have come up with that. The thing is ... I can't blame him. I mean, it was very sneaky, but it was also original and honest. It was, in fact, the complete opposite of that horrible anti-Hoynes ad we put out there.

I felt dirty. Just being a member of the Russell-campaign, that came up with the ad, made me feel foul and horrible. And you know what the funny thing is? When I worked for Josh, I never had to do something that made me feel disgusting like that. Just like I'm now sure that the Santos-campaign will never descend to our level. Not even if that means losing. I watched Santos speak on national TV tonight and instead of being angry and trying to come up with ways to beat him, I watched and listened. He just told the American people that this wasn't about finding cheap tricks to get rid of your opponent. It was all about debate and raising the level of honesty, because this was a Presidential Election and nothing is more important than that. I now understand why Josh left for Santos. 'Cause in a way, he is Santos. Chickens and talking about honesty on national TV is a very Josh-thing to do. Bashing ads and cleaning up after your candidate to make people forget about his 'Freedonia'-stupidity is a very Will-thing to do. And that's where the two candidates and campaign managers are different. Santos and Josh would never be willing to sell their soul for the presidential seat, Russell and Will on the other hand-

He asked me out today. No, not Josh ... Will. Oh, I know, according to him he wasn't asking me OUT out. He was just asking a friend to join him for dinner. But, I've been asked out before and I can tell when a man is asking me out. I don't know how to react to that. I'm afraid that, if I rebuff him too strongly, I'll alienate one of the only people I actually know on this campaign. This is all so frustrating. An intelligent good-looking guy makes a pass at me and tells me he's interested, while the guy I'm interested in is off reliving his past with his ex-girlfriend. Yeah, I know about Amy. Will told me. He said that Santos had hired her himself. I'm not sure how to take that. Part of me is scared that they'll end up together again, 'cause I'm not convinced that Josh isn't attracted to her anymore. And he may be a major jackass, but he still deserves better than Amy. The only problem being that he doesn't believe that himself. He thinks that the Amys of the world are the only women that want to be with him. After all, he's a guy with a large scar on both his chest and soul. Who would want a man like that? Honestly ... all he ever had to do was ask and I would have been there. You see, at the end of the day, I'm just a woman with the same scar, dreaming the same nightmares and believing in the same truths.

There are days, like this one, when I don't know anything about anything anymore. Am I backing the right candidate? Should I keep on lying to myself that Russell is the good guy? Should I keep ignoring how different Josh acts around me? And how much he's changed since our days in the White House? It's like he's no longer the Josh Lyman I spent all those years with. Something's eating at him and I doubt that Amy will bring the solution. He looks so tired and beat all the time. One of these days he's going to blow up and do something stupid. I know him. He'll do something he'll regret later on, but won't be able to take it back. It will haunt him. It's just what he needs: another guilt-trip to add to the pile. Another headache to add to this madness we've created.

Well, if anything, today's mess made one thing crystal clear to me.

I miss Josh.

I got what I wanted. I have a great job. People listen to me and respect my opinion. I get to advise the Vice-President of the USA. You might say I've climbed up and improved my position in the world.

Everything ... everything I wanted. I have it.

And look now. Look how it's all falling to pieces. It has all turned out to be pretty meaningless without the one thing I can't have.

I swallow the desire to scream out my frustration and instead fill the silence in my room with a hoarse whisper, containing a desperate plea.

"God, Josh ... when are we gonna stop playing these games? I'm tired too, you know. I'm so fucking tired."

Donna's POV: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 Josh's POV: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

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