Odyssey of Minds, pt 1: Donna POV

by: Ellen
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna
Category(s): Humour/Fluff/ Angst
Rating: YTEEN
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Aaron Sorkin, et al
Summary: Josh and Donna's thoughts after each season 6-episode.
Spoiler: Impact Winter
Written: 1/5/05

'I quit.'

I've done it, I've said it and then actually went through with it, which is more than I've ever done in the past. In those days it was always the other way around. He'd fire me, and I was always the 'impervious one'. Now, however, here I am ... I quit. The word still feels heavy on my tongue whenever I say it ... quit - quit - quit.

Huh, it's weird though. As happy as I am about sitting behind this desk in my brand new office, I still can't shake the feeling that I did something wrong. Which is absurd, 'cause he is the one who pushed me to take these extreme measures. He just would not listen. And that's exactly what I don't understand. I mean, he has teased me and annoyed me by pretending not to hear me before, but this time he didn't even take the time.

He made fun of me when I told him I wanted to have a serious conversation about my job and my unchanging responsibilities in the White House. If he had just listened and talked to me, maybe ... oh, who am I kidding? He would have freaked out if I had told him even half of the things I was having problems with. Not to mention the fact that he would have physically chained me to his desk and called the men with the straightjackets, if I had ever told him that I was actually considering working for Bingo 'Bob' Russell. Hmm, intolerable jackass!

And there we come to the core of the problem. Somewhere along the line he stopped noticing me. He was too damn busy having his own private pity-party for the way he was being treated by his co-workers, his 'supposed' friends. You know? Thinking about it ... I wonder if he even realized I was gone today. Did he have a reaction when he understood that I wasn't going to show up this morning or ever again, for that matter? The idiot probably thought I was kidding yesterday ... that I was joking around and that, today, Donnatella Moss, his faithful doormat would be at his beck and call again. Battling and slaying evil Republican demons, taking care of him and doing everything humanly -and inhumanly- possible to make him feel appreciated, even if it meant putting aside her own wishes. Well, not anymore! Yeah, I'm free again!

It's just, God ... I hate myself for admitting this, but ... I kinda liked doing all those things for him ... with him. I think it was the whole 'me and Josh' against the world, you know? It felt good to take a stand against all the others, just 'us' and no one else. It felt comfortable ... 'too' comfortable in the end. I woke up one day and I realized that it just wasn't enough anymore. I needed more, I needed independence and strength. I needed to get away from the suffocating atmosphere I was working in. It just wasn't fulfilling my needs anymore. And then the job offer came and it sounded so good. My own desk and staff, not to mention the pay rise. I was tempted and when Josh refused to acknowledge any of my worries, I just got angry ... well, 'furious' is a word that probable fits better in this scenario. And then I just called Will and told him I took the job.

Tsss, how did it ever come to this? Do you know that he came all the way to Germany for me? I swear to God, he did ... just for me. I still can't quite grasp why he did that, if his only intention was going back to ignoring me once I set foot on American soil again. And I suppose that, somewhere in the back of my mind, in the tiniest corner hidden away behind all the denial and misdirection, I kinda hoped that things would change on a more personal level between us. I really expected it after that week, but it soon became clear that that wasn't the case. I think it was then that it started to dawn on me that he would never get it and that I was wasting my time, waiting for him to make a move. I realized that I had to leave and change my life drastically if I still wanted to make something of it.

So, that's what I did. I got away and escaped my job to save my heart. And now I'm sitting at this desk and I'm happy with the professional freedom I achieved. I'm a free and independent woman. I'm my own boss now. I can do whatever I want and go out with whomever I want and no one there to distract me from my professional goals anymore. There's just this one tiny glitch though. If I escaped my job as Josh's assistant to save my heart, then why is it that that same heart, that was still whole yesterday, feels like it has been broken, shattered, defeated and trampled on today? But, I suppose it's too late for an answer to that question now, isn't it?

Donna's POV: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 Josh's POV: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

| << Back | Send Feedback | The National Library |