Still Standing

by: Allison

Character(s): Josh, Donna
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna
Category(s): Romance
Rating: TEEN
Summary: Sequel to Great Expectations

"I'm going to go apologize to Sam," Josh said, looking guilty.

"No, you're not," Donna replied. "Not until I talk to him."

He gave her a look that told her things were mostly back to normal. "Donna, I can handle apologizing to my best friend without your help."

"No, you can't," she said smoothly. "Because if he still thinks you're mad at him he'll get all defensive before you can say a word, and he'll wind up insulting you in what he thinks is self-defense and then you'll get mad at him and forget that you went there to apologize for getting mad at him."

He paused, looking at her critically. "You realize that made no sense?"

"You know I'm right."

He sighed. "Yeah."

A moment later found her knocking on the door of Sam's office. He looked up from his desk with concern. "Donna," he said, clearly pleased to see her but a little worried as well, "come in. Sit." As she closed the door and sat down to face him he leaned closer and peered at her. "Have you been crying? Oh God, what did he do?"

"Nothing," she said with a little laugh. "He's fine, he's - he wants to apologize to you. I said I wanted to talk to you first."

"Running interference?" Sam asked with a glint in his eye. She could only laugh and nod. He got up and came around the desk to sit beside her. "I'm - a little surprised this was such a big deal between you two."

She shrugged. "There have been a lot of issues between us lately. This just kind of - broke the bank, I think."

He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers palm-to-palm. "So everything's okay with you now?"

"More or less," she agreed. He gave her a questioning look. "Well, you know."

"So you didn't talk about it?" he asked softly.

"We're not going to talk about it," she replied, pulling her hand away and standing up. "There is no 'we.' He wants to be my friend, and not just my boss, and that's it. I mean, that's something, though, right?" She raised her eyes to Sam's. A multitude of words passed unspoken between them, and then she nodded and opened the door. "He's coming to see you," she tossed back as she left.

Josh stuck his head through the crack in the door, looking sheepish. "Hi."

"Hi." Sam smiled encouragingly. "So Donna says you're offering to be my slave for a year out of guilt, is that right?"

"Absolutely." Josh slipped all the way in and flopped on the couch. "I don't know what -"

Sam held up a hand. "I know. It's no big deal."

"It's not you," Josh tried to explain, "it's -"

"It's her," Sam finished.

"Yeah," his friend agreed, throwing up both his hands helplessly.

Sam practically ignored him. A look of growing realization was spreading across his face. "It's her," he repeated in complete amazement. How had he never seen it before? He really had thought along with Donna that the whole thing was one-sided. How utterly blind. "It's not me and her, it's anyone and her," he said in wonder.

Josh sat up straighter on the couch. "Hey."

"No - I'm right, aren't I?" Sam gaped at him, a shocked smile beginning to form.

"I don't know what you're implying -"

"Josh, you didn't sound like an admonishing boss back there, you sounded jealous," Sam said, all the pieces finally falling into place. "That's why you got so mad at me and Donna - because you were jealous and you didn't know why. And since I don't think you're pining over me..."

"That's ridiculous."

"Hey now," Sam said, his brow wrinkling. "No need to get personal."

"Not that ridiculous thing, the other ridiculous thing," Josh corrected impatiently.

"Oh." Sam sorted that out for a second, then looked seriously back at his friend. "Josh, do you have feelings for her?"

Josh tried to laugh that off without much success. "Please. Anyway she's in love with someone."

Sam's eyebrows shot up. "She told you that?"

"You're not the only one she talks to," Josh retorted. Then his face cleared. "Oh God. I'm sorry." He stopped for a moment. "I do sound jealous, don't I?"

"Yeah," Sam replied.

"God."

"Did she tell you who she was in love with?" he pressed.

Josh shook his head and leaned back in the couch. "No." He laughed shortly. "Just that it wasn't you."

"There are only two of us here, Josh," Sam said quietly.

It took a moment for the implications of that statement to sink in. Josh shook his head again vehemently. "She didn't say, 'I'm in love with either you or Sam and it's not Sam,'" he said humorlessly. "It could be anyone in the greater DC metro area."

Sam grinned. "I don't know, I did some recon..."

Josh sat up, interested. "And?"

"It's not C.J. either."

Josh threw a pen at him. "This is serious."

Sam sobered immediately and gave him a penetrating stare. "Is it?"

"Yes," Josh admitted openly.

He made a snap judgement, and if Donna killed him later, so be it. "She's been in love with you for ages, Josh. And the reason she never told you is that it's serious. It's not a little crush with her, especially since..."

"The shooting," Josh nodded. That seemed to be the theme of the day, all right.

Sam nodded. "She - she loves you so much that she doesn't even know what she wants from you. And it's heartbreaking. And every now and then she slips and I see that. She's covering it up pretty well, but..."

"She'd kill you for telling me this."

"Yes."

"Why are you?"

Sam leaned forward, taking his life in his hands. "Because you feel the same way about her."

"I really don't," Josh insisted.

"Josh..."

"What?"

Sam's gaze had gone from penetrating to piercing. "Would you be willing to tell her that?"

He paused before replying, "No."

"Because you wouldn't want to hurt her, or because it wouldn't be true?"

Josh propped his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. "Because it wouldn't be true."

"So you do have feelings for her?" Sam took his lack of response as an affirmation. "This is really freaking you out, isn't it?"

Josh nodded slowly without lifting his face from his hands. "What do I do now?" he mumbled through his fingers.

"I don't know, buddy."

Josh looked up finally and met Sam's gaze. "I appreciate how much you care about her," he said sincerely.

"Now that you know I'm not out to seduce her, that is," Sam joked.

"Well, yeah." The two friends shared a smile. "Do you think this is a really bad idea?" Josh asked.

Sam frowned. "Professionally? Personally?"

"Both. Either. In any way."

"No." At Josh's questioning look he continued, "It couldn't possibly affect your working relationship more than it already has, right? And personally - Donna needs you. I know you think you'd be screwing things up, but she wouldn't see it that way. She's lonely, and she'd rather have you love her and deal with the emotional baggage than be alone."

"Yeah." Josh pulled himself off the couch thoughtfully. "Man, we have got to do some work today."

"No kidding." Sam opened his laptop at that signal that the conversation was over.

"Sam?" Josh asked in the doorway.

"Hmm?"

He gestured a little awkwardly. "Donna - she really loves you, you know?"

Sam smiled. "Yeah, I know."

"It's just - she said something, and she was right." Josh paused, choosing his words. "I know that you and she can love each other a lot and have it not be romantic, and I know you both need that in your lives." Sam gave him a curious look and he finished, "What I'm saying is, I'm glad she has you. And if - if this turns out to be - anything - it shouldn't change things between you and her."

Sam nodded, his smile returning. "It won't."

Josh paused before walking into his bullpen. Donna was sitting calmly at her desk, typing away at something as if her love life had not just been laid out on the table. Of course, she didn't know that it had. She reached up and brushed back a strand of fair hair and inhaled deeply, staring at the screen. He smiled a little to himself and walked in.

"Problems?"

She looked up, then reached for him, took his chin in her hands, and pulled him down to her level, scrutinizing his face.

"What are you doing?" he asked bemusedly.

"Checking for a black eye," she replied. She released him with her usual stoic but not un-cheerful expression. "I guess it went okay."

"It went fine." He stood looking at her for a moment.

"What?" she asked finally.

He shrugged. "Nothing."

"So you and Sam are fine?"

"We're fine."

"Okay." She turned back to her typing without another word or look. He had to remind himself that she wasn't being cold - she was being the way they usually acted around each other, as if nothing earth-shattering were happening. If Sam was to be believed, she had more practice at hiding her feelings than he did. On his way to his office he dropped a hand to her shoulder and squeezed it fondly. He did that not infrequently, but this time it meant that he loved her. He just hadn't decided what to do about that yet.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

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