Lessons

by: Allison

Character(s): Josh, Donna, CJ
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna
Category(s): Romance
Rating: YTEEN
Summary: A friendship provides a basis for dealing with other relationships as well.

I sit in Josh's (perfectly balanced) chair in his darkened office, watching the numbers on the clock in the bullpen. 7:35. 7:36. 7:37. He was supposed to be out of his meeting with Sam and Toby at 7:15. His damned watch probably thinks it's after eight anyway, so where is he?

I hear him coming. Sam is with him, and I'm really not sure whether I want Sam to come in or not. Fear and anticipation are fighting it out in my stomach somewhere.

You see, I've figured out that if something is going to happen today, it's going to happen now, as we're saying goodnight, after everyone else is gone. You'd think, anyway.

Of course, it's entirely possible that nothing's going to happen today. It's also entirely possible that nothing is ever going to happen at all. He could very well have spent the day listing all the reasons it would be stupid to date his twentysomething assistant. And believe me, there are some.

Well, for better or worse, it turns out Sam's on his way out the door. He breezes past the office, yelling, "Bye, Donna!" through the doorway. Josh comes into the room, frowning at the lack of light.

"Did the President forget to pay the electric bill?" he asks. I'm glad he can joke at a time like this. Then I remember that he doesn't know it's a time like this. You know what I meant.

"It's time to go," I say firmly.

I've said that before, and he remembers, too. "You don't have a date, do you?" he asks, furrowing his brow in concern.

"No," I say petulantly. "But I'm tired and I want to go home."

"Well, technically you can go when your work is done," he points out. Sure. Technically.

"Uh-huh," I reply. "And then you'd forget to do half the things you stayed without me to do, plus you'd forget to eat, fall asleep at your desk, and never leave. Then you'd be cranky in the morning and make me miserable, not to mention guilty for leaving you."

"You know, some people hire assistants for support," he says.

"Who are these people?" I ask teasingly.

"Wiser men than I," he says. I'm about to be insulted, but then he comes and puts his hands on the sides of his chair, effectively trapping me between his arms, and says, "God help me, my assistant mocks me and I keep her around anyway because I like her." He leans his forehead against mine for a second, then straightens up and says, "You win. We'll go."

I sit frozen for a moment. First of all, despite the occasional acts of affection and his very touching Christmas message last year, Josh has never broken his wearied boss persona long enough to admit out loud to liking me. Forget romantically, he's never admitted that he liked me at all. Secondly, that little gesture just now was the kind of thing that happens either between very old friends, which we are not, or between an established couple, which we are also not.

This one is going to take a while to puzzle out. Meanwhile, Josh is watching me expectantly. "Donna? You coming?"

I shake my head and rise from the chair, trying to pull myself together. "Sure."

He looks concerned. "You've been acting funny all day. Are you sure you're not getting sick?"

No, it's just that I think I'm in love with you and I think you might be in love with me and the suspense is driving me crazy. "I'm fine." I sound unconvincing even to myself. "Just tired and hungry, that's all."

He grabs my coat off the rack and holds it out for me. I can't help raising an eyebrow at the gesture, which he ignores. As I slide my arms into the sleeves, he asks, "Can I take you to dinner?"

I'm amazed at how casual he's able to be. I must hesitate for too long, because he adds, "Come on. I've kept you late again, the least I can do is feed you."

I can't help myself. "Josh, if we went out to dinner every time you kept me late, we'd be eating together six nights a week."

He grabs his briefcase and tugs me out of the office so he can close the door. He gives me an enigmatic smile. "So?"

Oh. Well in that case. I shake my head as if conceding. "Okay."

We're halfway through dinner by the time I decide that he needs some prompting. "Josh?"

He looks at me between bites. "Donna?"

I gesture in the space between us. "What prompted this?"

"What?" He's pulling off the confused look, but there's something just a little panicked in his eyes. Good.

"This. Dinner. Us. Hanging out." Okay, that was about as articulate as referring to precedent as "the mother's milk of making your point and being right." Don't you hate when a sentence gets away from you?

He doesn't seem to have noticed. I think he's too busy being scared. "CJ," he says finally.

I suspected that. Which doesn't make her involvement any less weird. "CJ?" I'm not supposed to know what she has to do with anything.

He nods, and he seems to have regained his composure and casual attitude. Damn. "She pointed out one night when we were talking that you and I are friends but we never just spend time together. Made me think it might be a good idea." He hesitates. "Was I right?"

Aww. From what I've heard I doubt that's exactly what CJ pointed out, but it'll do for now. "You were right," I say pleasantly. Hey, if he can do casual, so can I. "I was just wondering."

He smiles. Oh God. He's giving me that look again. You know, the hair mussing and kissing one. If he does that many more times my resistance is going to be shot. Ooh. Even though it's not such a sensitive topic anymore, my brain still recoils from that word choice. And that just makes me want to kiss him even more. Maybe I should.

I should not. No no no. The Deputy Chief of Staff and his assistant having a relationship is a big enough deal that if it happens it has to happen slow - and it definitely cannot be precipitated by me kissing him in a very public place. That would be bad, and CJ would kill us.

So I settle for letting him see me blush.

We say goodnight in the parking lot of the restaurant, under pretty hideous fluorescent lighting. I remind myself that we're just friends, and that nothing is going to happen between us in this parking lot. Then we're going to come into work tomorrow and spend another day dancing around each other. This is how we do things. It may not be healthy, but it's us. It is extremely unlikely that anything of great importance is going to take place tonight. He's not ready.

So this is where we learn How Not To Make Definite Statements About Josh, Ever.

Bet you were wondering where the capitals had gone, weren't you? This one is definitely worth pulling them out.

He walks me to my car - well, this is not exactly surprising considering it's parked next to his. As I open the door, his hand on my arm stops me and I turn. He pulls me into a tight embrace, and I react instinctively by wrapping my arms around him. All right. Everything might not be out in the open, but no one spends this much time in each other's arms. It's got to be obvious to both of us that there is something going on. The ship hasn't just sailed, it's in the middle of the ocean and somebody else has rented out the dock. We stay there holding each other for only a fraction of a second too long, just barely longer than a normal friendly hug. He kisses my cheek - again, resting his lips there for a moment too long - and whispers, "Goodnight."

He starts to pull away, and something makes me grab his hand and hold him still. We absolutely freeze in place, looking at each other. The silence is so loud I can hear it, and I can practically feel the air between us as a solid mass. His hand tightens on mine. This is it. Take it or leave it, Donna.

I leave it. I chicken out. After all, I just decided this thing has to go slow, and it's going to go slow. At his pace. I lean forward and brush my lips against his cheek, then slide into the car and pull the door shut. I look up, and through the window we share a smile. There's no way he doesn't know that I have feelings for him. No way. And I might have made it if he hadn't hugged me.

Well. It may be smarter to let this happen slowly, but that doesn't make it easier.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

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