Lessons

by: Allison

Character(s): Josh, Donna, CJ
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna
Category(s): Romance
Rating: YTEEN
Summary: A friendship provides a basis for dealing with other relationships as well.

It hits me, as I sit at my desk the morning after the state dinner, that's I've been looking at this all wrong. I've been seeing my relationship with Josh as a continuum, as though I expected we were on a collision course with possible romance just around the bend, moving closer to it every second. It's entirely possible that our relationship is not changing at all, that I'm only perceiving it that way. In fact, it's not only possible, it's probable.

Damn.

Yes, I've finally gone and admitted to myself that there's something to this crazy urge to launch myself into my boss's arms. Yup. This is it. I really thought there for a while that it was just general loneliness, that any guy would have done just as well. I thought I could still not be in love with him but, as Margaret would say, I think the ship's pretty much sailed on that one.

Damn.

Now the question is, do I do anything about it? I mean, on the surface it's a colossally stupid idea, me and Josh. He's my boss. It would look bad. It might get kind of hairy when at work he's allowed to tell me what to do, but I wouldn't want him to do that outside of the office. He's twelve years older than I am. He has like six degrees. I couldn't manage one. He thinks I'm flighty. We've never actually just had a regular conversation that didn't involve some political issue or my love life - okay, let's stay away from that thought. I still haven't quite recovered from that "no self-worth" thing, even if CJ does think he only said it out of jealousy. Except for the conversations we had when he was bedridden - and those were in a league all their own. Those were kind of nice, actually.

See, there's the thing. Despite all those problems and the complete and utter improbability of Josh's having serious feelings for me, CJ seems to think he does. And she's pretty smart. And she knows him better than anybody, except maybe Sam.

Well. Maybe it wouldn't matter how it looked. And to be honest, I probably tell Josh what to do as much as he does me. And I know somewhere in the back of my mind that I'm actually quite intelligent, just - well, twenty-six. See, that's the thing we can't get rid of. He's thirty-eight, and I'm twenty-six. Yes, I know guys date younger women all the time, but that's usually because guys don't think forty-year-old women have the bodies of high school cheerleaders. Of course, I don't have the body of a high school cheerleader either, but that's not the point. The point is that guys of Josh's age don't usually date women of my age because of the compatibility of their souls, you know? That's the main problem I'm having with this idea. I guess I just can't see a guy like Josh wanting a serious relationship with someone who was six when he and the College Democrats were trying to keep Reagan from getting elected. I mean, when he graduated from law school, I was in the eighth grade. He could have baby-sat for me and my brother. And when I'm with him, I don't necessarily feel his age, but I wonder whether he does. Sometimes it really seems like it.

We might never be equals in that respect. In which case, this non-relationship has no hope of going anywhere.

A thud on the desk behind me makes me jump, and I look up to see that the subject of my reverie has just tossed a newspaper rather energetically. "Good morning, Donna," he sings out. This is frightening. If he's having another Day of Jubilee, I might be ill. "I have a question for you."

"Okay," I reply uncertainly.

"What are you doing tonight?"

"Josh, no," I tell him without even thinking. "Whatever it is, no."

"Donna..."

"Josh..." I whine right back. "It's Friday night. No."

"I don't want you to work late," he says.

"Josh, I told you -" Oops. What he said sinks in. "Wait, what?"

"Are you busy tonight?" He's practically rocking back and forth on his heels. Something is definitely up.

I'm tempted to say I have a date, but I really am a lousy liar. "No..." I reply slowly.

He grins. "Good."

Okay, now I'm really suspicious. "Why?"

He grins even bigger, and I'm terrified. "Because that movie about the storm is out on video, and I hate watching movies alone."

I swallow very, very hard. "You want me to watch a movie with you?" Please, please tell me he didn't mean that he wants me to call up Congresswoman Keane or something.

"What, you've got better plans?"

Thank God, that actually is what he meant. Okay. Calm. "Well, I was going to shampoo the carpet, but I guess it can wait."

"Great." He snaps his fingers as if he's just thought of something. "We can get dinner, if you want. After we leave here."

I shake my head yes, thoroughly overwhelmed and more than a little confused. "Okay. Sure."

He beams back at me. Hmm. This is really, really odd. I wonder if Sam and CJ are both busy tonight. Otherwise, why... ?

"Hey, you two." CJ breezes past the bullpen, and I feel caught even though she can't possibly know I was thinking about her. I give a little wave and hide my face in the computer screen. But out of the corner of my eye I see her hesitate with a questioning look on her face, and then I swear she gives Josh a thumbs-up.

Oh, dear.

You know how I said this relationship was going nowhere? I have a feeling I might be about to find out.

He just asked me out.

He did not. I need to calm down here before I start, in Ainsley's eloquent words, "wigging out" (okay, now there's a highly educated woman who doesn't always talk like a - oops. I was about to say "like a Young Republican"). Josh is not inviting me over for a torrid affair, a romantic evening for two, or anything of the kind. He asked me to come over and watch a movie about a bunch of guys getting stuck in a hurricane, and he asked me for some reason that has something to do with CJ. I really need to relax and stop jumping to conclusions.

"Donnatella!"

I really need to do my job before I get fired.

We decide on our way out that I should follow Josh in my car to the restaurant - a tiny Chinese place near his building - so that I'll have my car at his house to drive home later. Not a soul sees us leave together, but if CJ knows something's up I wonder if it would really surprise anyone anyway. I suddenly realize that I completely forgot to harass Margaret about dancing with Leo, and I slap the steering wheel in frustration. Of course, if I asked her about Leo she might ask me about Josh, and while I doubt Margaret's really harboring a crush on her boss... right. That could be bad.

We sit at a corner table, at sides adjacent to rather than facing each other. Ordering is easy because we've been sharing takeout and picking at each other's food for years. We chat about nothing - bills, policy, parking at the White House - until finally my curiosity overcomes any common sense that I might ever have had.

"Josh, what's going on?" I ask.

He gives me a confused look, and I pray I won't have to elaborate. I think the embarrassment might kill me.

"I mean, we don't usually..." I gesture at the restaurant, hoping that might clear it up.

"Oh." He smiles and pours himself some more tea. "I just thought - you know, we don't get a chance to talk very often. Outside of work, I mean. I thought it might be fun just to hang out."

Lesson 5, Donnatella. Never assume your boss isn't psychic.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

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