Great Expectations

by: Allison

Character(s): Josh, Donna
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna
Category(s): Romance
Rating: TEEN
Summary: Another New Years story.
Spoiler: Just about everything up to Noel, just to be safe - heavy ITSOTG
Author's Note: I'm trying to reexamine the whole Josh/Donna thing, since I'm thinking in my other stuff they may have jumped to a romantic thing too quickly. Well, we'll see

Donna was still sitting slumped in a chair with Ginger when she saw them. Busboys in pristine black and white uniforms pushed in carts laden with fresh champagne bottles in ice buckets. Ginger trailed off in midsentence when she noticed that all the color had drained from her friend's face. "Donna? What's wrong?"

"Are they crazy?" Donna demanded in response. "Are they going to open those in here?"

"It's five to midnight," Ginger reported. "Probably."

"Where's Josh?"

Ginger paled as well as soon as she caught on. "Over there with Toby and Sam."

Donna vaulted from her chair and crossed the room with quick, sure steps, her mood forgotten in the face of crisis. She could be sure at least that he needed her help with this. "Josh!"

He looked up, startled but not frightened. "What?"

She stopped as she saw them wheeling the champagne trays into the larger ballroom. "It's almost midnight. I was afraid..."

"Oh," he said. "It's okay. They're doing all the loud stuff in the other room. You really don't have to worry." He figured he didn't need to add any burdens to her already dampened spirits.

She pulled her wrap tighter around herself almost as a gesture of withdrawal. He didn't need her after all. "Okay. I mean, if you're sure. I could wait... you know, with you."

He offered her a sedate smile that didn't reach his eyes. Good old Donna. CJ must have been wrong - she'd always been this solicitous when he was in trouble, always taken care of him. She was his assistant - and maybe more than that, maybe they'd overcome the age thing and the boss thing and become sort of friends, but that was it. And anyone could have chemistry. "If you want. You don't have to babysit me."

Donna nodded. "Okay," she said, tightening her wrap even further around her thin shoulders. "It's, um - it's two minutes. I'll be right over there." She turned and started walking slowly at first, but eventually broke into a near run, not looking at anyone on her way to find Margaret.

Josh felt a hand slip into his, and he looked up to see CJ standing beside him. "Ready?" she asked.

"As I'll ever be."

She pressed his hand gently - the uninjured one this time. "It can't help but be a better year, Josh."

He offered her a genuine smile. "I guess that's true."

She hesitated for a moment. "Have you... ?" She trailed off and gestured subtly in Donna's direction.

He shook his head. "No. No. I don't think - whatever you might have seen with her, I don't think she's really - no. Not meant to be."

She assessed him quietly for a moment and decided this was something no one could push. "Okay."

From the other room they heard the voice of the master of ceremonies begin the countdown. Josh's hand tightened hard on CJ's with every number. He could feel Donna's eyes on him and knew she was worrying even though she was across the room with Margaret. He turned and gave her a forced smile before closing his eyes against the cries of "Happy New Year!" From the other room he heard the sounds of cheering, champagne corks popping painfully even through the thick doors - but he had been expecting the noise, knew it was coming. He squeezed CJ's fingers compulsively, but after a second he turned to her worried face and said simply, "Happy New Year."

She breathed out sharply in relief and smiled at him. "Happy New Year." The two old friends embraced tightly and he kissed her forehead. The uncontrollable sob that racked her body surprised him, but she got herself quickly under control, pressing her hand to her mouth and fighting back the tears. "I'm sorry," she apologized. "Just - thank you for still being here."

He kissed her lips this time, gently and chastely, and then hugged her again. "I love you," he whispered. She smiled into his shoulder and whispered back, "I love you, too."

After separating and turning her over to be kissed by Sam, Josh waded through the rest of the crowd. He found most of the people he knew thronging together in one big lump, hugging and kissing all around. He barely noticed who he was shaking hands with or which women he'd hugged. When he came to Donna he smiled and held out his arms as he would to an old friend. "Happy New Year, Donna," he said, taking hold of her upper arms and giving her an awkward hug. When they pulled back she gave him a halfhearted smile and turned away. He stood watching for a moment, taking deep breaths. "Okay," he said to himself finally. He turned and went to find the President and First Lady.

Donna fought her way through the crowds until she had found Margaret again. She accepted a warm embrace and then said quietly, "I don't feel well. I made it to midnight but I need to go home now. I just wanted to say goodnight."

Margaret rubbed her back affectionately. "You want me to drive you? It's no problem. I can go with you and come back."

"No, I'm okay," Donna replied, shaking her head. "I just need to get out of here."

"Okay," Margaret said, looking more worried than ever. "Call me tomorrow?"

"Sure." Donna made her escape as quickly as possible, practically running down the halls after grabbing her things from her desk.

After greeting the entire First Family Josh found himself standing with Leo and watching the rest of the festivities. Margaret came over a little nervously - her boss had never lost the power to intimidate her - but he hugged her warmly and whispered something that Josh couldn't hear but that made Margaret blush. She looked years younger at that moment than her thirty-four. As Josh hugged her he asked, "Where's Donna?"

"Didn't you see her?" Margaret returned, stepping back. "I thought she would have waited to see you."

"Waited?" he asked.

She nodded. "She just left. She said she wasn't feeling well, but I don't think she was sick. You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do." He paused, thinking. "Leo?"

"Yes?"

"Would anyone notice if I slipped out?"

Leo took him by the shoulder and said only, "Josh, something's been wrong with her all night."

Josh turned back to Margaret. "Should I go?"

She hesitated for only a second. "Go."

The ride to Donna's apartment seemed to take forever, even though he knew he could only be a few minutes behind her. He took the stairs a few at a time, trying to ignore the protests from his straining lungs.

When the heavy knock came on the door Donna was lying across her couch. She had changed into flannel pants and a long-sleeved shirt and let her hair fall loose around her face. "It's open," she yelled.

Josh closed the door hard behind him. "You shouldn't leave it unlocked like that."

She didn't move from the couch. "I was expecting Amy back from her party."

He looked at his watch. "It's only twelve-thirty. She'll probably be a while."

"I guess."

"Are you okay? Margaret told me you'd left."

Traitor, Donna thought. "Shouldn't you still be there?"

"Nah. I told Leo I was leaving." He waited a second, then came and squatted in front of the couch where she was laying. "Donna, I want to help if I can."

She was thoughtful for several minutes, absently scratching her neck until vivid red marks appeared. "I don't think so."

"You don't think I want to help?"

She smiled feebly. "I don't think you can."

"Try me."

She looked at him for a moment, then turned her gaze back to the ceiling. "It's just - I just - it's stupid. I've just gotten myself into a mood."

He shifted his weight uncomfortably but didn't move. "Might help to talk about it. I can say that from pretty reliable experience."

She smiled a little. "I guess you can."

"So?"

"So." She fidgeted on the couch. "It's just - New Year's, you know?"

"Not really."

"I mean, you have all these - expectations, about what the year is going to be like, and - and it's all wrapped up in these expectations we have about the perfect New Year's Eve, you know, all those things that have to happen, and you see the TV movies with, you know, Ginger Rogers kissing David Niven in Times Square at midnight and you think that's the way everything really is." Still not looking at him, she leaned her head back in the couch cushions and closed her eyes. "And the problem is, even when you know you shouldn't expect it to be that way because you don't have the perfect life and you don't have - you know, someone to kiss at midnight, you do expect that anyway and anything else is a let-down." She took a deep breath. "I told you it was stupid. I just couldn't help thinking that after everything that happened and all the things that changed, that this year had to be different. Turns out it really wasn't."

Josh was quiet looking at her for a long time. "What do you mean, the things that changed?" he asked finally.

Donna met his eyes for a moment and then looked away. "I don't know what I mean."

His heart skipped a beat, and he decided to listen to it. "Donna?" he asked hesitantly.

"Hmm?"

"Would it - I mean -" He was doing no better than she had. CJ's words kept replaying themselves in his mind. *There is no doubt in my mind that Donna has a crush on you - eventually she's going to stop waiting for you to notice her...* He took a deep breath and decided it was worth the risk. Crunch time. It was time to be as good a friend to her as she'd been to him. "Would it help -" He stopped and tried again. "I don't know if this - if it would even -" She was looking at him curiously. He inhaled one last time and said almost in a rush, "Do you need me right now?"

She stared at him. It seemed that her pale face had gotten paler and her eyes had widened slightly. She couldn't decide whether he was really offering, or just trying to clear his conscience so he could leave. Finally she decided she already looked pretty weak and that she had not much else to lose. "I think I might," she said softly.

He blinked. "Okay." He took a deep breath, not sure what came next but fairly sure that nervous hyperventilation wouldn't help anyone. He reached out uncertainly and stroked her long hair back from her face. She shivered a little but kept their eye contact. "Here's what I think," he said. "You look like you need some sleep, and I -" he shifted and groaned - "I have forty-year-old knees."

Her face fell. This was clearly his concerted effort to be a friend, make sure she wasn't suicidal, before he went home to bed. "Okay?"

He saw her disappointment and his decision was made. If this backfired, or if he was wrong, he was going to kill CJ. "So here's the plan. You have any really huge t-shirts?"

Donna's expression changed from disappointment to utter confusion. "Yes?"

"Okay." The physical tension somewhat lessened for him, he reached out, took both her hands, and wrapped them around his neck. "Hold on." Ignoring her puzzled expression he slipped his arms under her back and knees and stood up - with a certain amount of effort, but nevertheless successfully - lifting her off the couch. She didn't say a word as he carried her to the bedroom and deposited her on the bed. "Shirt?" he asked. She pointed silently to the top drawer. He extracted a large University of Wisconsin t-shirt and went into her bathroom, emerging a while later in her shirt and his boxers, the various parts of his tux draped over one arm. He hung his clothes over a chair, came over to the bed, and hesitated with his hand on the covers. He raised one eyebrow in mute questioning.

She froze for only a second before making up her mind and sliding over, offering tacit permission.

He slipped under the covers and hesitated again. Well, he thought, anything worth doing is worth doing right - and I can always blame CJ. Wanting to let her make the decision herself, he turned to her and held his arm out.

She too had to think for a moment. She searched his face carefully for any trace of pity or guilt. Whatever she found there must have satisfied her, because she reached up and turned off the light. In the dark he felt her move awkwardly closer to him. Not wanting to push, he very cautiously wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. After a moment he felt her relax against him, and then she started very, very quietly to cry. Relief, exhaustion, and a strange feeling of security completely overwhelmed her. He rubbed her back tenderly, still trying to get comfortable with the idea of touching his assistant this way, and whispered, "Shh, it's all right. Just let it out."

Her hand found his in the dark and her tears eventually subsided. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be," he said gently. "You know, you're the second person tonight to apologize for crying on me." He ran his fingers gently through her hair and took her chin in his hand. His brain told him that this was a bad idea, that it would open up the whole can of worms they'd both been keeping firmly closed for such a long time, but CJ's influence was strong and he could sense Donna's loneliness and her need - and also, in the longing clasp of her hand, her feelings for him. He tilted his head down and said softly, "Happy New Year, Donnatella," before pressing a chaste but unmistakably loving kiss to her lips. She kissed him back with the same degree of caution and they parted before it became heavy or passionate, but the air had changed between them. They still had a long way to go before they could start to think about these feelings, but for now he was here and she settled closer to him and absorbed his warmth and care. He rubbed her arm and said softly, "A good year for both of us."

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

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