Chesapeake

by: Allison

Character(s): Josh, Donna
Pairing(s): Josh/Donna
Category(s): Romance
Rating: TEEN
Summary: Donna's getting really fed up at Josh.

As Josh entered the room where the President's party was being held, he smiled fondly at the sight before him. His eyes immediately located Donna, chatting with Margaret and receiving frankly adoring smiles from Leo for distracting his assistant. Actually, he noticed that Leo wasn't the only man in the room sending admiring looks Donna's way - most of the men present glanced over at her occasionally and couldn't resist staring. She did look positively beautiful in a plain but stunning black cocktail dress that left her shoulders and back bare and ended just below her knees. Josh dragged his eyes away from her, still trying to sense exactly how he felt, and looked for friends to hide with for a while so he could think. He walked up behind CJ, waving over her shoulder at Sam.

"Hey, Josh," his best friend greeted him. "Finally finished?"

"Finally," Josh replied, sighing dramatically.

"It's a nice party," Sam commented as Josh drew nearer.

He nodded in agreement, taking a champagne flute from a tray and slipping an arm around CJ's waist. She turned to smile at him in surprise and he said teasingly, "Yeah, New Year's, champagne, and a beautiful woman - who could ask for anything more?"

"You really are sweet," CJ commented warmly, hugging him back with one arm. "Delusional, but sweet. Where's Donna?"

"With Leo and Margaret," Josh replied casually. "And who says I'm delusional? Sam, I ask you - is this a beautiful woman we have before us?"

"Amen," Sam said in approval, raising his glass.

"See?" Josh said to CJ, who was beginning to blush.

"Thanks, you guys," she laughed. She ruffled Josh's hair affectionately. "You're good friends."

Josh shook his head. "Now, now, Ms. Cregg, I disapprove of the notion that we must be good friends in order to think that you're beautiful." He stepped back and held her at arm's length while she turned beet red. "Yes, after performing a completely unbiased appraisal, I say again that you look not only beautiful but also striking -"

"Definitely," Sam agreed.

" - sparkling - "

"Yes."

" - and - " he fought for another adjective " - willowy."

"Oh yes," Sam said vehemently.

CJ shook her head. "You guys."

Josh smiled. "Learn to take a compliment, CJ." He gave her hand a squeeze and said, "Let's go join the President."

President Bartlet was just gearing up for a speech, they recognized that as soon as they sat down in the circle of couches. Toby and Ainsley slid to opposite ends of the couch they'd been occupying, allowing Josh and CJ to slip in between them. Sam perched himself on the arm of the couch beside Ainsley and smiled down at her when she looked up to see who he was. Leo, Margaret, and Donna saw the inner circle gathering and wandered over, the two assistants hanging back from what looked like a senior staff moment. Their bosses put an end to that immediately. Leo moved over on a loveseat and gestured for Margaret to join him, which she did with a broad smile. Josh hastily dove over Toby, earning himself suspicious looks from both CJ and the First Lady, and seated himself on the other arm, motioning for Toby to scoot over so that Donna could settle into the corner of the couch between them. She gave Josh a look that combined curiosity, gratitude, and affection, and he rested a hand casually on her shoulder. She covered it with her own and they shared a smile before turning their attention to the President.

Jed Bartlet started to speak about the events of the past year, but Josh wasn't listening. He was still trying to make up his mind how he felt about Donna. Certainly he enjoyed her company, and it always felt so good to be near her and to touch her, but then he enjoyed being near CJ as well and had absolutely no idea of being in love with her. Then of course there was the question of whether Donna really had romantic feelings toward him, or thought of him instead as a friendly big-brother figure or something equally platonic.

"Josh."

He looked up, startled. He realized that mercifully the President had not called him because he noticed that Josh wasn't paying attention, but that this was part of the speech.

"Josh," President Bartlet continued, "you still bring the same idealism and force that you've always brought to this administration. You know there are times when we all feed off of you. When we thought we might lose you this year, well the world just about stopped. I won't say more than that because I see I'm about to make Donna cry, but we love you, Josh." The President paused and smiled at his Deputy Chief of Staff, who was busy turning bright red. "And we also love the woman who keeps you in line." The leader of the free world then began a night filled with appreciation and friendship by coming and lovingly kissing Donna's forehead, smoothing her hair back as he would with one of his own daughters. He stood and embraced a surprised Josh, whispering, "Happy New Year."

"Happy New Year, sir," Josh responded. Donna's eyes were suspiciously wet, and he believed his might be as well.

The President spoke almost until midnight, thanking individually each of the staff, praising their skills and accomplishments, and reiterating constantly how much he needed them. He kissed all the assistants, thanking Margaret for "taking care of my best friend," pressed a gentle kiss to Ainsley's cheek - which moved her so much, even coming from a Democratic President, that she started to cry, and actually lifted CJ off the couch to hug her tightly and tell her "I only tease you because I love you so much, Claudia Jean." Jed hugged all of his male staff as well, praising Sam and Toby for their vision, and thanking Leo for "another year of keeping me going." At eleven fifty-five he stopped, saying, "And now the time approaches. As I prefer to speak with my family a little less publicly, and I'm sure you all have New Year's greetings to exchange, let's wait for midnight together in relative quiet, shall we? One more thing," he added, looking out over his staff with tears forming in his eyes, "We all know what we almost lost this year. Let me suggest that we take this time to make a first resolution, to tell the people in our lives what they mean to us while we can. Happy New Year, everyone."

In the four remaining minutes till midnight Josh sat silently, his hand still resting on Donna's shoulder, taking deep breaths and sorting through his feelings. Should he? Should he not? He could sense that the moment of truth would be forced soon, and that there was nothing he could do to put it off further - to ignore this now might be catastrophic.

While he was struggling with his feelings, he happened to glance over and catch sight of Ainsley, sitting in the opposite corner of the couch and looking - enraptured. There was no other word for it. The sight of the President she had personally attacked before coming to work for him, kissing his staff and expressing not only his professional respect but his personal love for all of them, had floored her. Sam noticed Josh staring and slipped off the arm of the couch to come and talk to him.

"You know," Sam whispered, one hand on Josh's shoulder and the other on Donna's, "it wasn't even when he kissed her that she started to cry."

"Ainsley?" asked Donna, who hadn't been watching her.

Sam nodded. "It was when he hugged CJ. Ainsley saw that and completely lost it."

"I can understand that," Josh said thoughtfully. "I've always thought the President and CJ had a very touching relationship - and to someone who's given to hero worship, as we all know Ainsley rather is, I can see where that would be very affecting."

Donna reached up and tugged at Sam's jacket. When he looked down at her she smiled and said, "You know, Sam, I think I like her."

"Why are you telling me this?" Sam asked almost defensively.

Donna's smile grew wider. "No reason."

"One minute, everybody," Abigail Bartlet announced, looking at her watch. Sam nodded to Josh and tried to be casual about walking back over to Ainsley's end of the couch. CJ reached over and patted Toby's knee affectionately, and he scowled at her before giving up and smiling back.

A watch alarm went off somewhere and people began to shout, "Happy New Year!" Toby managed to abandon his gruff exterior long enough to give CJ a chaste kiss before going in search of his assistants. Sam thoroughly planned on giving Ainsley a simple kiss on the cheek, but instead shocked them both by kissing her on the lips and leaving her with her eyebrows raised in surprise. Donna had given Josh a stay of execution by slipping over to kiss Leo and Sam first, so Josh went first to CJ and held out his arms. They shared a sweet, platonic kiss and hugged each other tightly. "I love you, Claudia," Josh whispered sincerely, stroking her hair affectionately. "Now go to your office."

CJ pulled back and looked at him in confusion. "What?"

"Trust me. Your office."

Realization dawned and she glared at him. "Joshua..."

He covered her mouth with his hand and smiled. "I promised. Now run along."

She gave him one last glare before exiting the room at a respectable pace.

"Josh."

At the sound of her voice behind him, he closed his eyes and prayed for inspiration. Should he or shouldn't he? He turned and smiled as best he could. "Donna."

She took a step toward him and hesitated, and he knew there was no other way. If he backed down now she might be irreparably insulted. He held out his arms and crossed the distance between them, vowing to keep it short and safe. He hugged her gently and then gave her the most nonromantic kiss possible, holding her hands as he did so to prevent her feeling dismissed.

It didn't work. He could see from her expression that she'd been expecting something more - he couldn't blame her. He'd kissed CJ with more feeling. Suddenly the floor threatened to swallow him. He squeezed her hands one more time before releasing them and muttering, "Excuse me." He fled the room before she could say a word.

Once in his office he closed the door, stood by the window, and began to count. He had reached thirty when the door swung open and then closed again behind Donna.

He turned and they looked at each other. The silence was so loud that it rang in his ears. He could feel the tension radiating between them. His chest tightened. He felt that if she didn't say something soon he might die.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, obviously trying to control her voice.

He held onto the desk, now fully aware that nothing short of complete honesty would do. He felt lightheaded and in danger of collapsing. "I chickened out," he said simply.

She raised an eyebrow. "You chickened out?"

"Yes."

"I'm that frightening?"

"Donna..."

"No, seriously - the Deputy Chief of Staff of the United States got scared because he had to kiss his assistant on New Year's?"

"Donna, it isn't that simple and you know it!" he said, gripping the desk for support.

"Tell me then," she demanded, leaning against the wall.

He took a deep breath. "Donna, I - I've - I've been - " He paused and started over, taking big deep breaths to control the panicked sobs that were about to break out. "I don't know how to do this."

She stood up straighter, looking alarmed. "Josh, are you sick?" she asked worriedly.

He shook his head. "No. No. Just let me get this out, okay?" At her nod he tried again. "This - this thing between us, I know you must have felt it too - I've seen it when you - well - " He waved his hands, trying to clarify his thoughts. "Somewhere along the line things changed between you and me, and all of a sudden you wanted something from me and I didn't know what it was, and when I figured out what it was it scared me." He met her eyes and winced at her hard expression. "It scared me because I was so afraid of taking that step, I was so scared it would - tear us apart, and - and for the last few months I've felt like we've been coming closer and closer to that point and part of me wanted us to get there so badly, I can't even describe - but the other part was still so afraid we'd screw up - that I'd screw up, because I always do..." He stopped to take a few more deep breaths. "And I was afraid I'd hurt - that I had hurt you already, and that I could only make it worse - I was afraid - and then tonight..." He rubbed his face with his hands, not knowing how he was going to get through this. "Tonight I realized that there was no avoiding the issue anymore, because my feelings for you were too strong and we'd already progressed to the point where there was no turning back, without either of us even realizing it, and I knew - " He looked her firmly in the eye and forced the sentence out. "I knew that if I kissed you in there I would not be able to stop."

Donna closed her eyes and leaned against the wall for support. She didn't speak for a long time, and when she finally did she said wearily, "Tell me how you feel." She sounded on the verge of tears.

"Donna..."

"I need to know, Joshua," she said firmly, her voice beginning to tremble. "You said it yourself, there's no going back now. I need to know."

He closed his eyes and let the dizziness take over and then the words flowed out so easily. "I love you so much," he whispered.

She opened her eyes and looked at him, and she was taking deep breaths to match his. "How can I be sure?" she asked tremulously. "There have been times when I thought I knew it, but then there were times when you said such things to me - when I was sure I didn't matter..."

He stepped closer, but not enough to get out from behind the desk. "I've said unforgivable things to you out of jealousy," he said softly, and then added ironically, "and now I'm asking you to forgive them because I tell you I love you. And that isn't fair. But it's the truth, and that's the best I can do."

She nodded. "Okay," she said. Then suddenly she covered her face with her hands and started to cry in earnest.

That, oddly enough, broke the tension. Donna as a lover he did not know how to deal with, but Donna crying he could handle. He crossed the room in two steps and gathered her into his arms, whispering, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

She pulled back and smacked his arm, saying through her tears, "Stop apologizing, you idiot."

He grinned and wiped his own eyes dry. "Okay, that's it, verdict rendered - I make women cry."

She laughed out loud and rubbed her hands across her face. Meeting his eyes, she smiled and said, "Now this is weird."

"Yes, it is," he agreed. Taking one last deep breath, he reached out and cradled the side of her face with his hand, then slipped it down to caress her neck. She shivered at his touch and tensed with nervousness.

"Should we try this again?" he asked quietly.

She nodded and reached with trembling hands for his shoulders.

Their lips brushed softly at first, but then Josh interpreted her hand cradling the back of his head as tacit permission to deepen the kiss. He pulled her as close to him as he could manage, pouring all the love, tension, and confusion of the last few months into this one moment. When they finally broke apart they both had to stop and catch their breath. Josh leaned his forehead against hers and whispered again, "I love you."

She closed her eyes and replied, "I love you, too."

He smiled in abject joy and relief and pulled her head to his shoulder, hugging her tightly. "I didn't expect that."

"You didn't?" she questioned, resting comfortably against his chest.

"No." He kissed her forehead fondly. "But I could stand hearing it a couple hundred more times."

She smiled even though he couldn't see her. "And you call me emotional."

He let himself bask a few more seconds in the feel of her hair against his cheek and then asked, "You want to get out of here?"

She looked startled for a moment, then smiled gently and nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay."

The hallways of the West Wing were empty and Josh held her hand shamelessly as they walked from his office. As they passed CJ's office, though, he noticed that her door had been left open a crack. They exchanged mischievous looks and crept quietly to the open slot.

Donna's hand slipped into his again. Danny Concannon was kissing CJ very cautiously and gently, their hands entwined but their bodies not quite touching. Both looked as if they might have been crying as well.

Josh tugged at Donna's hand and pulled her away from the door. "Come on," he whispered when they were out of earshot. "Let's let them work it out."

She nodded and smiled lovingly at him. He leaned his head against hers and whispered, "Let's go." They walked out of the Wing in step as always, hand in hand.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |

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