Changes

by: Allison

Character(s): Jed, Abbey
Pairing(s): Jed/Abbey
Category(s): Drama, AU
Rating: MATURE
Summary: A (probably AU) view of what might happen after "the announcement."

He stood in the center of the room, watching her stand by the door and cry. The tears fell unrestrained, running down her face as she looked at him and silently told him that she never wanted it to be this way. He crossed the room in three strides and wrapped his arms around her, not bothering to wipe away the tears that kept falling anyway, but wanting her to know he didn't blame her for it coming out now.

She hugged him back, murmuring all the time that she knew it would be like this but she'd hoped differently, and that there was always the hope that the press conference might go better than they expected. He didn't bother to answer what they both knew were empty platitudes, but held her tighter still and rocked her back and forth in the middle of their bedroom. When the phone rang they knew that the news in New Hampshire had just ended. It would be their oldest daughter on the phone to tell them the story had been leaked, and they would have to tell her that they had decided to leak it without consulting her, or her sister.

***************

He sat down heavily in his big chair, staring at the pile of documents on his desk as if they held the answer to the questions no one wanted to ask. Quiet footsteps echoed nevertheless in the silent office and he could feel her hovering, wanting to ask and not wanting to upset or insult him. Although he'd been mild with her, she had learned from the last time that doubting him made him frustrated and angry. Instead she stood without moving or speaking, only pushing loose strands of hair behind her ears and waiting for him to say something, anything, to her. Their breathing was loud in the semidark and she finally inhaled deeply and caught his attention. He looked up with red eyes that frightened her, not because she hadn't seen him that way before but because she had, too many times. He shook his head, not knowing what to say but feeling that the answer to whatever question she wanted to ask must be no. She shook her head in response, as if not accepting his answer, and instead of trying to come up with something to say he extended his hand. She took it and the contact forced her to come closer, until she was dropping into the visitor's chair that had been pulled close to his. He rubbed her hand with his thumb and began to speak, slowly, softly, as if she were his daughter and needed comforting. And though she was not his daughter, she did need comforting and would never have asked, because she would have assumed that he needed it more, and it comforted him to comfort her, and so they both sat in the darkened office for a long time.

*****************

She hovered in the doorway, asking finally in her rich voice, "Is this what happened last week?" Without turning to see her he nodded.

"You couldn't tell anyone?" she guessed. He nodded again. She flipped the light switch off before entering the office, as a precaution against what she didn't know, and pulled the door shut behind her. She stood behind him, looking at his back framed in the light from the streetlamps outside, and waiting until he gave her some signal that she should be talking. She had no intention of leaving him like this, but she could be unobtrusive if that was what he wanted. Deep in her heart, though, she hoped that wasn't what he wanted. The deep dark secret she had never shared with anyone, even the women she chatted with every day, was that she had always wanted him to let her take care of him. She couldn't help feeling that she could, and easily, if he would only let her. She was a caring person, and she knew that he knew that about her, but their relationship wasn't - she would never try something beyond the simplest gestures unless given some signal. The one embrace they had ever shared had shaken him, shaken them and changed their dynamic for quite some time, and she couldn't risk that happening again. She missed him when he was uncomfortable and avoiding her, even though it had only happened twice. The other time, the first time, had been way back during the campaign when Brian broke up with her, and he sent her flowers and told her she was beautiful, and then he was too embarrassed to look at her for days afterward. That would not be happening again.

So she stood quietly behind him, and waited until he said, "By this time tomorrow it could all be over."

**********************

The dark figure at the door didn't command her attention until he said quietly, "I was going to come tonight and tell you I knew, but then I found out everyone knew."

"Not everyone," she replied tiredly, just barely raising her head from her hands.

He studied her carefully for a moment before guessing, "You didn't know until today."

She replied only by shaking her head noiselessly, willing the tears to stay back until she was home and alone.

"When?"

"This morning. Before we leaked it."

He heard the strain in her voice and hesitated, trying to decide what a friend might be expected to do - and what he might be allowed, and expected, to do. "You need a drink?" he asked finally.

She raised her eyes to his and he saw the shine in the darkness that suggested tears. "You think?"

"I'm just saying, I don't think we'll be the story tonight."

A rueful smile flashed over her face as she almost laughed. "I suppose not."

******************

She got to her feet when she saw him come in, her eyes widening at the look on his face that clearly told her some tragedy had occurred. He only just remembered to slam the door behind him before pouring out, in a monotone that frightened her, the story that had just been told to the senior staff. Her fair skin got even paler as he revealed detail after detail of the legal ramifications, the possible coverup, the number of people who had known, and his knees shook as it all poured out in that same expressionless way. She took a few steps toward him, wanting both to comfort him and to shake him out of the daze he seemed to be in. He allowed her to pull him down into a chair, to hover worriedly as she asked questions designed mostly to snap him out of it. Her own concern, for her bosses, for the political ramifications, burned under the surface, waiting for a time when she didn't have his more urgent fears to deal with. He mentioned absently mid-sentence that they'd all been excused for the night, and seeing his blank, stunned face and cloudy eyes she offered to take him home. He shook his head and laughed for some reason that she didn't understand, but before she could worry that he was going into shock he met her eyes with sudden lucidity and said, "Do you think it's over?"

For a full minute she couldn't answer and he never stopped waiting, looking intently at her and drawing the words from her with his eyes. Finally she replied brokenly, "I don't know - I don't know." His eyes lifted to hers were empty. It was out of character, for both of them, but she extended a hand and he pulled himself out of the chair and stepped into the circle of her embrace. He almost collapsed into her support, but she was grateful for the display of emotion because it meant he was less frozen. They stood for a long time wrapped up in each other's arms, not feeling what should have been an awkward moment because their minds were on more pressing matters. If asked, she would have gone so far as to guess that he didn't even know who he was with. He started to cry, and she lifted a hand to rub his back, murmuring words of comfort that she didn't believe and hoping, since he had bizarrely come to her, that she could give him whatever it was he needed to get him through this. And maybe it was because she had been thinking that, or maybe they just understood each other, or maybe it was the culmination of something long in the making, but when suddenly his mouth was on her neck and his arms tight around her, when he whispered quietly, "Take me home," neither of them had any doubt what he was asking.

*****************

"Is it true?" The incredulous voice could belong to no one else, and he nodded wearily without turning to her. He wasn't sure, truth be told, whether he was up to her shock tonight, right this minute. He fully expected her to be hurt, and surprised - no different from the rest of them, but she expressed both those feelings so effectively.

Her hand dropping onto his shoulder from behind surprised him, and he finally turned and whispered, "None of us knew until this morning. Except Leo, and apparently Toby found out last week."

He watched her mind work. "The night we stayed late to help with the speech."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry," she whispered to his shoulder.

"For what?" he asked rhetorically. "It's your job as much as anybody else's."

"I know, but I didn't - I mean, you and him -" Her stammering trailed off as she realized she didn't have the words for what she wanted to say to him.

"I know what you mean," he said finally.

There was a long silence, in which her hand didn't move from his shoulder but rubbed softly until it seemed that the whole of his being was concentrated in that one part of him she was touching. At last he reached up and took hold of that hand, using it to pull her down to him. It was in her nature to be a comforter, and besides that she felt in need of basic human contact herself - enough to make the awkwardness and the fear of exposing her feelings irrelevant - and so she wrapped her arms around him and tucked his head neatly against her stomach, cradling him until he felt safe enough to relax against her. And when he felt her body tense and heard her quiet sniffling he wrapped his arms around her waist, and the most reassuring thing he could think of to say to her was, "Whatever happens, you know I'll make sure you're taken care of." And that was absolutely the right thing to say, but it made the tears come faster and harder.

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

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