Down The Rabbit Hole

by: Abigale

Character(s): Josh, Sam, Toby
Category(s): Humor
Rating: YTEEN
Summary: Toby and Josh guide Sam through a labyrinth.

They had arrived at Josh' office, and Sam took a seat in front of the desk. Not wanting the bulky piece of furniture to come between them, Josh perched on the edge and waited for Sam to find his voice.

"Toby," Sam whispered gravely. "Toby was down there. But it must have been Disraeli, don't you think?" He sounded almost hopeful.

"What was the quote?" Josh realized he'd never asked.

"Nurture your mind with great thoughts," Sam recited solemnly.

Considering the words for a moment, Josh sunk into the chair next to Sam. "Humph. Not what I expected," he mumbled.

Sam was taken aback by that. "What were you expecting?" he wondered aloud.

Josh didn't hesitate a second. "What do you think? The one on your refrigerator." He spoke the words so distractedly, it took a minute to realize Sam was smiling and shaking his head. "What?"

It was tiny, less then two inches square, and mottled with age. There were brown spots across it, as if it had bubbled in the heat, but it was just a piece of paper. Stuck on Sam's refrigerator wherever he had lived for the last fifteen years. His fiancée had hated it with a venomous passion, but had allowed it to stay as long as Sam kept most of it hidden beneath an oversized magnet from the corner liquor store.

"It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being," Josh repeated from memory. It was right there in his face every time he stood in front of Sam's fridge. "And who does that sound like?"

"Toby," the two friends uttered simultaneously.

"You weren't here. I had to go to Toby." Sam was smiling broadly, his eyes shining. "For four days I went into his office." Sam couldn't suppress a light chuckle. "And told him things I'm sure he was hoping he'd go his whole life without hearing. Oh god, Josh." They were both laughing now. "I made him listen to my dream about sperm battling it out for supremacy! He sat there while I figured out if I was insane or if this was something I'd picked up somewhere! He helped me try and find out why we aren't knee deep in dead pigeons." Sam was gasping for breath now, the sight of tears rolling down Josh's face adding to the feeling of delirium.

"H- h- he called me the first day," Josh sputtered. "He asked me quite seriously why he should care why tabby cats have a big `M' on their foreheads!" Sam convulsed with the image. "I told him this is something he *had* to do for you, otherwise it would drive you crazy, and that would drive *him* crazy." Josh gulped down some air and continued. "He said you always drove him crazy, how much worse could it get?" They both shrieked like prepubescent girls at that.

They had left the door open when they'd entered the office, and now, unbeknownst to either of them, Donna reached in and pulled it shut with a curious but knowing look on her face.

They sat there for a long time, alternately sobering, then dissolving once more into hysteria. Sam recounted for Josh how Toby had systematically drawn out a diagram of the sperm battlefield when Sam had insisted he couldn't make them look realistic. And Josh confessed that he had eavesdropped on CJ when she had taken a call from Toby regarding the research he'd done on his own of the prescription Sam was taking.

"He's very fond of you, you know," Josh offered. "He'd have to be to do this for you." Patting down his pockets, scouting for a tissue.

Sam, fighting back sniffles himself. "I tried to warn him. I told him how weird it could get. He said I should drink some chamomile tea and take a hot bath." Sam was running his hands through his hair. He took a deep breath, looked up at Josh. "I tried to warn him," he said again quietly.

Josh stopped his searching and scooted his chair a little closer to Sam. "Hey, I know. I did too. I think when he checked with the First Lady he realized that there really is a very very small percentage of people who react this way, and you happen to be one of them." Sam still looked a little dejected, so Josh took another stab. "Look. Last week, when you were falling over dead exhausted, making no sense, confused, irritated? Toby's the one who went to Leo. He told him something was wrong with you. We've all kinda learned to live with your insomnia, but Toby was the first to realize this was much more. I...." Josh felt the room shift away from him a little. "I'm sorry, Sam. That should have been me."

Sam shook his head slightly. "Josh," he whispered cautiously. "Don't you dare feel guilty. I - I won't allow it. It almost *has* to get that bad before I know what I have to do. Hell, if I didn't get this obsessive, I'd take the damn stuff every night."

Josh's eyes grew a little darker at that. For years he'd been secretly afraid that one day Sam would give in and start taking Ambien nightly, or at least more frequently. They'd talked about it when the drug had first come on the market, and Sam was skeptical of his doctor's warnings about building a tolerance. It chilled Josh's blood the night Sam confessed that he wasn't worried about addiction, because that only became an issue if he *stopped* taking it, the implication clear. Backpeddling at Josh's concern, Sam acknowledged it was a stupid thing to think. Josh was ashamed to admit he was actually relieved when Sam's reaction to the drug had been so intense, and hoped it was enough to keep him from being tempted to make it a regular habit.

Reading his closest friend's thoughts, Sam reached out a reassuring hand. "I won't. I can't. But it sure as hell feels good to get into bed and *know* I'll be dead asleep in half an hour," his eyes twinkling a little now.

Head bobbing up and down along with his Adam's apple, Josh forced his eyes away from Sam for a moment. "Yeah. I'm just sorry I wasn't here for you." His voice scratchy.

"It's okay, `cause Toby and I, you know, we bonded. Big time." Smiles returned to both faces. "And I should get back." Sam's voice turned conspiratorial. "I haven't gotten much work done this week."

Watching Sam saunter down the hall, Josh crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe.

"Do I even want to know?" Donna's eyes large and bright.

"Nooooooo." Josh tipped his head back and sighed. "Hey. You got any tissues?"

**

"Toby." The voice was soft, barely heard above the gentle clacking of the keyboard. "Do you have a minute?"

Toby's thick fingers paused above the keys of his laptop for a split second before continuing. He inclined his head towards the sofa, indicating to Sam that he would need another moment.

Settling himself into the cushions, Sam surveyed the office briefly before resting his eyes back on Toby. Despite the particularly gruff display of irritation Toby seemed to reserve exclusively for Sam, his admiration for the man continued to grow by the day. This last week had been challenging for both of them. Sam realized only today just how much he relied on Josh in times of personal unrest. And while he was unnerved by the feeling of dependence, he was consoled by the certainty of their relationship. If CJ had been around, he wouldn't have hesitated imposing on her, and, no doubt, she would have listened patiently to him for a day or so before throwing him out and locking her door.

But Toby had revealed an unforeseen level of patience and tolerance that Sam had found astounding, and reassuring. It was not in Toby's nature to be that indulgent towards anyone. Josh was right. Without ever having said anything of the kind, Toby had demonstrated to Sam just how warmly he regarded him. And Benjamin Disraeli had reminded Sam what a gift that was. Suddenly realizing that Toby had stopped typing and was appraising him with unabashed curiosity flustered Sam.

"Oh! Sorry. I wasn't staring at you," Sam stammered. "I mean, I was staring at you. But I wasn't looking at you." He squirmed in his seat.

"I know. You just faded away. Still trying to figure out...?" Toby deliberately closed his laptop.

"Yeah. I mean, no! It was the wrong quote, I think." That sounded like he'd gotten it wrong, so Sam began again. "It wasn't the words that were the message. I think it was the man. Reminding me of something else."

Toby steepled his fingers above elbows planted on his desk, and regarded Sam carefully. He looked less disheveled than earlier, the brightness that had come to his face when Josh had returned still in evidence. Toby tried to imagine what next week would be like, having Sam off the pills and back to normal. Which made him chortle out loud.

In answer to Sam's surprised expression, Toby said "I was just thinking of you being back to normal. And how unlikely that is." The grin still breaking up his usually stoic face. "I got to thinking about Disraeli. I've never gotten why you found him so interesting." Sam shrugged. "But he did say some great things. And I came across something that made me think of you."

"You did? Me too. About you."

Toby looked genuinely intrigued.

"I can't believe it took Josh to remind me. It's always been my favorite, I can't say why; it's not wise or witty. Maybe it was preparing me to work with you." Sam's eyes were sparkling now, and Toby felt a little bubble of something in his chest.

"It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being," Toby recited to Sam's amazed delight.

Bowing his head a little, Sam replied, " 'I never deny; I never contradict; I sometimes forget.' " Knowing he'd gotten it right by the look of shocked amusement from Toby. "And... thank you Toby."

Both men were grinning wildly at each other when CJ knocked on the doorframe. "God, you look like idiots. Hey, Sam. Toby, I need to know what you want me to say about the phone call the President is going to make tonight to Senator Haig...."

Sam pulled himself off the sofa and headed out the door past CJ.

"Sam?" Toby's voice caught him at the last moment, still smiling warmly. "Go to work."

"Yes sir."

Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3 |

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